Judge — December 26, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNFORTUNATE CHAIN OF LITERAL MISCOMPREHENSIONS. 1T1s (the vocal instruct. or)—" Vell, mees, I hav shoo-o-osd ar-r-ranche mid your farzair-r-re ze ter-r-rms of your insdruction, Gif me ¢now. Zat'seet. (Loudly.) Do, do, do, do.” Fatner Gotroxs—"'Say, you! what about our arrangement? What do you mean by hollerin* for ‘dough’ a-ready ?" Count —"* Par-r-donne, m’sieu, _I fairst musd got your daughtaire’s note. Ket is ze scale I vant "—— Fatuer Gorroxs (connecting)—"'Oh, that's what you want,eh? Then /°1l (steish / slam} bang!) scale’ yuh !" SANTA CLAUS. HE FINDS her bloomers hung again, And in his heart he grieves. He never thinks what might have been Had she hung up her * sleeves. THE FLAT- DWELLER .AGAIN. S THEY retired for the night she said to him, “ The janitor is going to take a day off to-mor- row, and he sent up word that we must get up at four o'clock, so he can deliver the coal early.” And the flat-dweller, long used to: oppression, only asked timidly, “Did you ask him if we might go to bed again?” EXPERIENCED. Realty broker (to ap- plicant)—" Yes, sir; I have just the flat for you ~ hot and cold water, -e 3 electric lights, and steam sol 1 heat.” SETTLING HIS SARCASM. Mr. Harlemton (ear- Owner—" How much will you give a load for that dirt ?” ly th f Pat—" Twinty cints, sor.”* hestly)— "8: ere a sexe Owner—‘*'Umph! What do you want, the earth 7” nace in it?’ Pat—"* Yis, sor—fer twinty cints th’ load.” TO BE DETERMINED. Bridget—" How wud yez loike me cousin Moichael t' be bist man at our weddin’, Jamesy, dear?” Jamesy—* Faith Oi'd not loike it at all, at all, An’ divil a bit wull Oi own ¢’ it, ayther, But afther supper, if he’s a moind t’ shtip out in th’ yard wid me fer a few minutes, Oi'll soon show him which wan av us is.” SENS CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES. Mrs. NewLywen (in fcars)—"* You used to say that you would be glad to die for me.” WLYWED—"* Well, I would now.? Mrs. NEWLYWmD—"* Well, you may now.” comicbooks.com