Judge — December 26, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

weight. train!" “trees HER EMBARRASSING WEIGHT. HERE is a railroad in eastern Massachu- setts known as the circuit road, which forms a complete circle, with Boston as its starting-point and terminus. A col- lege-girl going from Wellesley to Brook- line was rather surprised, when the train stopped at the latter station, at the re- quest of a very stout elderly lady to please allow her to descend before she did, The girl's amusement was some- what increased to find that her compan- ion descended backward, as if the car- steps were a ladder. “You may think my request was a strange one,” she said, turning to the girl; “but, as you noticed, I descended backward, it being far easier for me on account of my great My dear, I have been around this road four times. Every time I was the last to descend, and the conductor would come along, naturally think I was boarding the train, give me a shove uf the steps, shout ‘All aboard!’ and | would go around again, How glad I am to be off that awful And she watched it disappear with a sigh of relief. une WHEN THR PRIDE OF ANCESTRAL BLOOD ASSERTS ITSELF, THAT MAKES A DIFFER- ENCE, Mrs. Hoon—* My goodness, Will- NO THEORY TO ADVANCE, Ricpin Wraccs—"* Wot's yer ideas ‘bout labor-savin’ masheens, Ti Racson ‘Tattens—'‘Ain't got no ideas on dat subject ‘ceptin’ dat 1 don't want ‘em ter save enny labor fer me, CHRISTMAS CHIMES. GREAT festival, that roundeth out the year With alleluias ringing from the skies, Ere from on high thy last swegt echo dies, What heavenly tidings fall upon the ear ! Judea’s shepherds of their Saviour hear In angels’ voices borne from paradise ; While drops that dim the Virgin Mother's eyes Reflect the mighty visions of a seer. Angelic host, whose swelling midnight chimes Have pealed thy music far o'er land and séa, Sing on until thy raptures meet a morn That dawned in harmony for all earth's climes, Thy chorus woke a strain of ecstasy Forevermore—for Christ is born, MARY C. FRANCIS, HOW IT HAPPENS, Poots (rneditatively) —“ After all, there are as good fish in the sea as were ever caught.” Grimshaw—" Yes, and very much better. always get away, you know.” The biggest ones A SPANKING, artistically administered, is something that is use- ful as well as ornamental. iam! I have just been reading about a man in New Jersey who offers to sell his seven-months'-old baby for a dol- lar.” Old Hoon—"H'm! At the first glance that would look like a regular bargain-counter price, but you forget that it is a New Jersey baby.” FOOT-BALL. ONSIDERED as a game it's grand, So long as you've the drop Upon the other fellows, and Contrive to stay on top A DIFFERENT FEELING Miss Timberwheels—" How were you impressed by Mr. Noodles?” Miss Hungerford —"\ wasn't im- pressed. I was oppressed.” THE BEARDSLEY CHRIST- MAS POSTER. OOD Santa Claus should never let Such posters aivertise him, Because nobody born as yet Would ever recognize him A CLOSE SHAVE. Fars@tex Neerstre—" Gosh! but that coon ’s gittin’ ; THE coon—"* Lawd ! it's lucky fo' me dis warn't no dudish, wearin’ crysanthemumps.” common eb’ry-day rooster.”