Judge — December 12, 1896 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. GEORGIA CAINE IN ‘* LOST, STRAYED, OR STOLEN.” Where sprightliness and beauty iape CHANGE, ORTUNE favors the brave, they say. Fortune? She comes and oes. £ Edward hung up his six-inch Bessie ‘her longer hose. Small things crowded poor Edward's sock— As ties that his fond wife chose, Umbrella, candy, and fine big things Slipped into Bessie’s hose, Fortune found then her storied wheel. Whisk! What a change in clothes! There, where once hung a six-inch sock, Now hangs bicycle hose. cum. HIS STATUS. Askins—" Your coun- try cousin, Jay Green, somewhat unsophisticat- kids ai ed, isn’t he?” Grimshaw—" Rather. Mluminate a part, We're spared the painful duty Of criticising “art. This, Georgie dear, applies to you, here your picture proves it true. THE HOBO SANTA CLAUS. THEY were gazing in yearningly at the window and indicating what they would take in case property rights were waived. Finally, Dusty asked Weary what he'd do if he were “ Sandy Clus. “Wrat'd I do?” repeated Weary, wiping his nose enthusiastically heavenward with the sleeve of his coat. “Twudn't do a ting, I wudn't! In de firs’ place Id have free ‘hots’ an’ Java an’ jews- berry-pie at ev'ry corner, Den I'd make it rain gum-drops fer de kids, an’ any guy w'at wudn't say * Mary Crismus' ‘d have his mout’ sewed up. Den Vd turn de water-wurks inter a brew"ry an’ have twenty-t’ree hydrants t' ev'ry block. Den I'd make Centerl park a free beer-garden an’ fix up de trees wid Crismus ings fer de risin’ gineration. An’ I'd make you presidint, an’ anywun w'at ‘d start any war talk we'd hang t' de neares’ noospaper orfic An’ we'd turn all de cops an’ fly-mugs over t’ Jack de Ripper an’ ”— But the officer thought he was getting personal and requested him to move. THE MAKCH OF CIVILIZATION A SAD CASE. Mrs. Wettaext—" Vou say you have a sick wife and three small children—can't you find work ?” AR (sodbing)—**"Twouldn't do no good, lady. De old enough ter work yet.” Some time ago he was swindled by a confidence-man on a game so old that when the sharper was arrested the authoritie in view of the fact that Jay had proven such a dead-easy sucker, prosecuted the swindler under the fish-law.”” down east that's started seventy. four hospitals.”” A RECORD-BEATER. Kinky Licutnine (the calf-'rastler) — Look here, Dimples ; this paper says there's a millionaire Dinprep Doouttrte —" He must be a handy man with a gun.” A RUSE. SIE sat before me at the play, Her hat betwixt me and the stage. I said, ** She's of un certain age ; She wears her hat be- cause she’s gray.” Two hands went up. two pins came down. Her hat wasoff. Her hair was brown, COMFORT. ss HE HAS bro- ken my heart.” wailed the beautiful girl. " There, there ! don't take on so,” said her friend in Parso} tones of pity; “it might have been your bicycle,” does? Ver must tink I'm a jay.” HE WOULDN'T TELL. OODMAN —"* Do you know where little boys go who go fishing T ain't givin’ away snaps, y don't yer go find it yerself, know. If yer lookin’ ame as ev'rybody else comicbooks.com