Judge — December 5, 1896 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ov JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MADGE LESSING IN ‘JACK AND THE BEANSTALK,” Will like the magic beanstalk grow. PENALTY OF HERESY. se P* WHAT is the penalty when a minister is convicted of heresy ?” “Well, Bobby, it is generally a raise of salary from nother church,” AN IMPOSSIBILITY. Little Pat Hooley (excitedly) —" Oh, Misther McLubber- ty! Yure house is abl on foire ! McLubberty—' Be aff wid yer jokes, ye young scrawn! Begorra, it’s loyin’ yez ar-r-re, fur Oi hov dhe kay in me pocket dhis minute.” ITS USERS NEED IT. SS D)AVIE, what do folks use hair-oil for?” “To grease th’ wheels in their heads, o' course.” IMMEDIATELY, He—"'1 am going to kiss you when I go.” Sux —"* Leave the house at once !” SABBATH REVERIE. IN SUNDAYS she is most discreet And scarce allows her lips to smile ; Yet goes to church, like Marguerite, To meditate on Faust a while. LIKELY ENOUGH. Bobby —" Pa, a man who lives in New York is a New-Yorker, is Pa—* Yes, Bobby.” Bobby — Well, is a man who lives in Kalamazoo a Kalamazoolu ?” EXTRAVAGANCE, T in Yellow Creek, Montana, Princess Birdie of the Sioux tribe of Indians has been making money this season by giving . music-lessons on a police- whistle. Birdie “A MILK PUNCH." makes lots of money, but she spends it all on dresses. Only last week she bloomed out in a pair of beautiful gangrene pajamas, and at the same time her poor old father was at home painting his legs with pitch so he could slide into town after dark and get some chewing-tobacco. AN INDIGNANT NURSE. Doctor —"* Did he sleep well through the night?" NicuT Nurse—"No. He kept me awake ail night long.” A DIFFERENCE. THEY sat in tiers, those funny folk, And laughed while Harlequin cracked a joke. He sat in tears and did not laugh When he cracked his funny bone quite in half ; Yet they split their sides, which all must own Is worse than a fractured funny bone. ANNA M, PRATT. ANOTHER MYTH. Mr. Skidds—."\ wonder if it is customary for girls to prom- ise to be sisters to the fellows they reject.” Mr. Sprudds—" No; that is another of the exploded myths. T have proposed to. six or seven girls, and not one ever said a word about being a sister to - oee SHE WRONGED HIM. *¢EUSBAND, you are in- toxicated.” “Stagger—bu' ain’ drunk— had acciden’—los’ m’ ear-sight.” comicbooks.com