Judge — December 5, 1896 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIS TIME FOR TALKING, One morn at breakfast Mrs. Jones to Mr. Jones remarked, “Tid like to know, John Henry, on what mis- sion you're embarked ; For in your sleep you talk and talk, and keep it up so long That I am sure that all 's not right. ‘me what is wrong.” Now tell But Mr. Jones said not a word about his troub- led sleep ; do. the De on'y time sum dey is busy talkin’. It's likely you need a tonic. Most people ‘Abbott's Original Angostura Bitters is one. For sale by all druggists, grocers, wine merchants, le ah busy is w'en ty wimen ain't goin’ roun’ beggin’ men fo’ suffridge. —I would as lief be rubbed wid san'papah as wid a raspy tongue.—Diplomats keeps deir mout's shet. Dat's de reason why mo’ congressmen ain't diplomats.—Arkansaw Thomas Cat “Allow me, Miss Bawston, to make you ac- quainted with Mr. Brown, our book-maker.' “Yes? So delighted! 1/am always glad to know these wonderful men who publish books. What is your latest work from the press, Mr. Brown?” ‘Ahem! I have spent a good deal of time this summer on an anthropological work entitled * The Coming Race,’" ‘*An ex- nsive work, Mr. Brown?” ‘Several of my friends have put their fortunes into it, Miss Bawston.” And he winked at the score-card and hurried away.— Nuggets, The limping old joke gave a fluttering sigh, And it whimpered, “*I wonder what for I was born, if I'm going to be buried alive In a magazine editor's drawer?” — Washington Capital, “* How did you spot him?” asked the report- er of the detective who had just nabbed a brill- iant young confidence gentieman disguised as a bloomer-girl. ‘“‘The disguise is perfect.” “happened to catch him blushing,” said the He only gulped his coffee down and looked j botn wise and deep. And then he said, *' I'm sorry, dear ; don't look at me askance. T talk at night when you're asleep ‘couse then T have a chance, —Cedar Rapids Saturday Reflector. astute sleuth-hound of the law.—/ndianapolis Journal, Scott’s Emulsion is more than a tonic, Its good effect is permament. No bad effect what- ever. The child was playing with the scissors and his kindly old grandmother chided him. * You mustn't play with the scissors, dear. I knew a little boy just like you who was playing with a pair of scissors just like that pair, and he put them in his eye and he put his eye out, and he never could see anything ever after.” The child listened patiently and said when she got through, ** What was the matter with the other eye?’"—Chicago Journal. Voice (at the telephone)—'* Major, will you please bring your family and take supper with Us next Sunday?" Servant-girl (replying back through telephone)—'* Master and mistress are not in at present; but they can’t come to sup- per, as it's my Sunday out.”—Beston Globe, VE YQU'’REA One of the greatest blessings of life is that a restaurant boarder rarely knows what he is eat- ing.— A scientist says that the color yellow is a deterrent of suicide. Maybe so, You never hear of a yellow cat committing suicide. —Florida Times-Union. The New York public knows that Dr. gert's is the only genuine Angostura Bitters, Te is useless to offer an imitation. Mr. Goodman—* My little man, when I was your age I didn’t smoke in the way you do.” ‘Slum child—" L should think so! Why, dere ain't a kid in de alley dat kin inhale like me.” —Pearson's Weekly, Young Greene —"* What dogs this mean, mother—‘Nature unadorned, adorned the most'?” Mrs. Greene—"* Well, now—lemme see. Adorned means dressed, so I ‘spects it means as how ‘isters, apples, ‘onions an’ sich like are better eaten raw than dressed. But, mind you, I don't hold with it myself."— Fun. Dobbins’s Floating-Borax is 100 per cent. pure and doesn’t turn yellow with age. It is not an imitation of anything, but better than any other floating soap made. Ke sure above name is on each wrapper and cake. Red wrap- pers only. vA WILLGONVINCE THay OLDEN SCEPTRE SERTECION ; San PRICES sib 130, 4640 F Sires Fite, BRU STE The unrivaled bouquet that Cook's Jmperial Extra Dry bas, has made it a favorite with all good judges. Richard—" 1 understand that old Griffin bas given his consent to your marriage with hi daughter. Was he good-natured about it?’ Robert —"' Yes, confound it! he was so good- natured that I couldn't help wishing that while 1 was about it I had asked for something valu- able."—Beston Transcript, “Why don’t people ride in engines?” asked Louise. “* Because the engines are dirty,” said mamma; ‘the engineers are all black.” ** Oh,” said Louise, **do engines have ears? burg Bulletin, Boy—"Any hickory-nuts in these woods?” Farmer—""Ves, lots of ‘em; an’ I've got a dog that et a calf yisterday.” Boy —* All right; then I guess he won't be hungry to-day. Don’t let anybody know how you scared me.” Farmer (after being left alone)—'* By gum! I wish I was startin” in life again an’ had that boy's chance."—Cleveland Leader. *T tried a bottle of Salvation Oil on a wound and was cured within several days. I never had such a good remedy as Salvation Oil in my hands. Mrs. J. C. Duncan, Lexington, Mis- souri.” Customer—"* Waiter, I can't get on with this lobster ; it’s as hard as flint.” Waiter—"* Beg. pardon, sir; a slight mistake. That's the pa- pier-maché lobster out of the show-case. Shall I change it?"—Answers. Dandruff, Chafing, Itching, Bad Complexion, and Odors from Perspiration, An Towa man bet ten dollars that he could ride the fly-wheel on a saw-mill, When his widow paid the bet she remarked sympathetic- ally, ** William was a good, kind husband, but he didn't know much about fly-wheels.""— Washington Evening Times, 100 PHOTOGRAPHS FOR $1.00. Send a photograph of yourself and get {00 Stamp Photographs in days, all gummed and perfo- Fated saine as @ postage-sanp. ‘Sust the thing ‘for sticking ob Four cards, stationery, etc. ‘Mention this paper when order- tng. Address STACY, Photographer, 40,Firtit Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. Photograph returned, ALL IMPORTED TOBACCO. HIGHEST IN PRICE, FINEST IN QUALITY. asc.a Bundle, | xo in Bundle. Trial Package in Pouch by mail for 26e. ~ H. ELLIS & CO., Baltimore, Md. THE AMERICAN TOBACCO CI Wisemax—* Hallo, Jones! How are you getting on?” Jones (sadly) —"* Oh, plugging along in the same ‘old fashion.” Wiseman—'*So I see. Why don’t you buy a A’nox and have some style about you?" quickly relieved by Packer’s Tar Soap. + Excellent in Chafing, Dandrufy, Itching.” —Med. and Surg. Reporter. THE CELEBRATED SOWMER Pianos are the Best. Warerooms: 149-155 E. 14th St,, New York. Caution. — buying public will please not con” found the Sonmen Piano with one of a similarly 1 é wounding name of cheap grade. Our name spells— TPHELD BY BEAUTIFUL, WOMEN S_0-H_M-_E_R Rares eee RUPTURE CURED. cately perfumed. and para Touet for andi ITH oar Improved Elastic Truss. W ease Ww! proved Eisstic Trae. Worn with Same Wife—* How are you pleased with our new maid?" Husband—* Ve thought so, I have discharged her.” gende Blatter, A better Cocktail at home than is served HE ‘CLUB — COCKTAILS MANHATTAN, MARTINI, WHISKEY, HOLLAND GIN, | TOMGIN, VERMOUTH and YORE. ‘Wo guarantee these Cocktatls to be made of absolutely pareand well matured liquors and the mizing equal to the best cocktafla served over any barin the world. Being compounded in accurate proportions, they ‘will always be found of uniform quality. Connotsseurs agree that of two cocktaila made of the same material and propor- } tons the one which is aged must be the better. Try our YORK Cocktail made- without 5 Any aweetening—dry and delicious, For Sale on the Dining and Buffet Care = of the principal railroads of the U. 8. AVOID IMITATIONS. For Salo by all Druggtsts and Dealers, G, F, HEUBLEIN & BRO., Sole Frops., jartford, Conn. 20 Piccadilly, W. London, Eng- 33, Soap manufactured. Ab ‘upon having++0.471. ight and day. 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