Judge — December 5, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

362 uae A BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH. E SEE by the papers that Mr. Ow- goost Stiefvater of Cobleskill is dead —at least we take it he is dead, as he was buried last Saturday. He has been running down (to the grocery) for the last ten years. He was a great after-dinner and before-supper speaker, and some of the things he said were worth repeating and we shall repeat them, In a select and fashionable gath- ering at the grocery the question was mooted as to why the protuberance in the throat of man was called the Adam's apple. Some one answered that it was in memory of the fruit partaken of by Adam and Eve. “ But why located in the throat ?” persisted the crank member of the grocery committee. “Pycause,” said Mr. Stiefvater sententiously, “dot vhas vhere Adam got id—righd in der neck.” You could have heard a coupling-pin drop until Mr. Stiefvater called “for an under von mit a pretzel.” He was in a theatrical company, playing a high-Dutch part in low comedy, and having run short of means the company burst at Hor- nellsville. Mr. Stiefvater and the tragedian, Mr. Montague Milford, were painfully walking the track back to Albany, when Montague said, POOR FELLOW! , ELLA—"' Did Freddy like the cane you gave him for his birthday ?” “Owgoost, it is terrible to thus break away from our associates. STELI “No, { had to exchange it; the head was so large he couldn’t Think of the ties we leave behind us.” get it in bis mouth,” { “Id’s bedder we t'ink apoud der ties ve gotter shkip pytween here | undt Albany,” said Mr. Stiefvater. Mr. Milford was so cheered by the WORSE YET. suggestion that he instantly divided with Mr. Stiefvater a cold frankfurter which he had in his handkerchief. Mr. Stiefvater’s life was cheered and enlivened by a second-handed wife who was brought back and left on the bargain-counter. Finding her liege lord at the grocery amid his friends, she asked him for ten dollars to brace herself with a new bonnet. Owgoost gently declined and she said . in a fierce tone, THE CHICAGO WAY. “ You will want something of me sometime. Mrs, Hampack —“ What is Sarah Wabash sending out invitations ectly,” he replied, “ bud | hope dot I vill not pe at home vhen | to her tin wedding for? She hasn't been married ten years.” Mfrs, Livewayte —" No, but she has had ten husbands.” HEN the funsmith writes a verse about his paste-brush in the ink, And all the things he feels inclined to do, He'd change the metre, make it worse, and harder stamp, I think, If he ever stuck his pen into the glue. vant id. The winds sobbed sadly as she went out into the night. USELESS. A NECESSARY QUALIFICATION. Jerry Coe—" There's Hopper, that's been behind a counter all his life, Citizen — Is there any chance for a German on the police force?” and I don’t suppose he’s worth a dollar to-day.” Police-official —" Not unless he is of Irish descent.” Webs —“ Oh, dear, no! He isn’t even worth his salary.” THIS AWFULLY UNCERTAIN WEATHER, ! fe yj —_— He said he would, and he did; but the hot sun began to thaw the Oox PRieND BATES (the fisherman)—"* This December weather is great. wee od oe T'll set my pole and take a little nap while the sun is high.” and of course the reek went up — And as evening came on the thermometer went down, and Bates is seen calling for somebody to come and chop him out of the ice. comicbooks.com wees oo