Judge — November 14, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*M_GULN" back down to gran‘pa’s, I won't come back no more ‘To hear remarks about my feet A-muddyin’ up the floor. They's too much said about my clothes, The scoldin’ 's never done— I'm goin’ back down to gran pa’s, Where a boy kin hev some fun. I dug up half his garden Acgittin’ worms fer bait ; He said he used to like it When L laid abed so late ; He said that pie was good fer boys An’ candy made ‘em grow. Ef [ cain't go to gran'pa’s Til turn pirate fast you know. HIS TRAINING, ee] WITNE: THE LITTLE BOY’S LAMENT a queer piece of business as I was driving out from the village this after- noon,” remarked the young man from the ci wuage He let me take his shot-gun, An’ loaded it fer me. The cats they hid out in the barn, ‘The hens flew up a tree ; Thad a circus in the yard With twenty other boys— I'm goin’ back down to gran‘pa’s, Where they ain't afraid of noise He didn’t make me comb my hair But once or twice a week ; He wasn’t watchin’ out fer words T didn't orter speak : He told me stories ‘bout the war An’ Injuns shot out west. Oh, I'm goin’ down to gran‘pa's, Fer he knows wot boys like best He even run a race with me, But had to stop an’ cougis ; He rode my bicycle an’ laughed Bec'us’ he tumbled off ; He knew the early apple-trees Around within a mile, Ob, gran'pa was a dandy ‘An’ was ‘in it’ all the while. I bet you gran‘pa's lonesome, I don't care what you say; I seen him kinder cryin’ When you took me away, When you talk to me of heaven, Where all the good folks go, I guess I'll go to gran'pa's, An’ we'll have good times, I know. ALT. WORDEN, TURKEY DRESSING, CORROBORATING HIM. HE inquisitive man saw a gang of laborers at work on the street and instantly became consumed with curiosity to know all about the object of their exertions. Bustling up to the foreman of the workmen, he said, “I know it’s none of my business, but may I ask what you and your laborers are doing ?” TA, man who looked like a farmer drove slowly along ahead of me for some distance and then, when he came to the top of a rather steep hill, he whipped up his horses and dashed down it at a rattling gait; and when about half-way down deliberately leaned over the side of the vehicle till he fell out, alighting on the ground in such a manner that both the front wheels and the rear one ran over his neck. 1 was horrified at the thought that he must be seriously injured, but he scrambled up, stopped his team with a shout, climbed into the wagon and drove off as if nothing special had happened.” “ Thoughtful-lookin’ man with long, reddish- roan whiskers, wasn’t he?” inquired Farmer Horn- beak. “Yes; and do you know, he repeated the per- formance four times within the next three miles! Every time he came to the top of a hill he would whip TRAINING QUARTERS OF THE MODERN PUGILIST, wy 1. A SHINING EXAMPLE. Uncte Jost — ‘ Naow thet I've got a shine I'll board this trolley-keer thet's buzzin’ t'wards me.” down it, lean over, tumble out and be run over, get up, climb into his wagon and drive on again. Sometimes the wheels passed over his neck and some- times they didn’t, but he really seemed to be trying to have them roll over that portion of his person every time. 1 should have stopped him and at least demanded an explanation of his ex- traordinary conduct, but I remembered how dangerous it sometimes is to in- terfere with an intoxicated man.” toxicated,"" re- plied the farmer.“ That was neighbor Honk; he’s figgerin’ on marryin’ agin, an’ the bride-to-be is a hatchet-faced ights shouter. I guess he’s “Oh. he wasn't woman's sorter gittin’ in trainin’.” The man directing the work stopped in his in- structions to one of the men, smiled encouragingly and replied, * Certainly, sir.” As he did not proceed with his explanation the inquisitive man asked, * Well, what are you doing 2” “It is none of your business,” replied the fore- man, who forthwith resumed the directions he had interrupted to satisfy the inquisitive man’s curios- ty. ADVICE TO LEGISLATORS. [OOK not upon the lobbyist when she is blonde, for she stingeth like an adder and biteth like a lightning calculator. Do not sell your influence below cost, even if trade is dull and money tight. Before returning home visit the barber's and have the blonde hair shaved off the lapels of your coat, . A SHINING EXAMPLE. But the car was the patent trolley street- sprinkler. and Uncle Josh was buncoed again, rosy. woxcan. — b'gosh !” EP» The’ Bc? _ 6 comicbooks.com