Judge — November 7, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

appeared in sight. NO SPOILS TO THE VICTOR. N THE days when the Canadian Pacific railway was constructing bridges and tracks and towns en route Sage BIMBY’S DOG. $4] PUYS mineselluf dot tog fon a man in der Powery sdreed. He saidt dot vas der most intelligence tog I nefer saw. He cooms in py mine saloon undt saidt, ‘Sed ‘em oop’; undt, py Jiminy! dot tog sed oop on his packbone sdraid as a mackerel. He saidt dot tog vas in a Sunday-school bic-nic, undt he finds a silfer prandy-flask, undt he hides id undt comes aroundt undt shmells der preath ohf der beoples till he comes to dot Sunday-school scooperintendent undt den prings him dot flask, Nein; dot vas nod a dachshund, Der man saidt dot he got long dat vay pecause he shased a cat into a four-inch gas-bipe, undt vhen dey pull him oud he vas a foot longer. He don’‘d chase cats into a four-inch gas-bipe any more alreaty; he yoost shtops der hole oop mit a biece ohf bark undt leaves id. into shmall bieces mit dot tog. Dot feller saidt I could bust oop der market, for I vould alvays be long on dog. Uf you shteb on his tail in der saloon you hear howls in der pack yard. Does he suck eggs? Nein; he yoost shews ‘em oop whole in his mout’.” And Bimby wiped off his bar with his coat-tail and kicked the end of the dog which I laughs mine oudsides all A HEAVY LOAD. “Just me blawsted luck. Nobody to there lived at Yale, British Columbia, an unassimilated population with varying occupations. An S2t*Y me Valise when I” habsolutely want eccentric old gentleman, Major M—, was the official and pri- vate time-keeper of the place, besides serving his country in many other capacities. He had made a sun-dial of which he was inor- dinately vain, and by which he regulated the working days, hours and times of relaxation of the entire population. There was no other way, indeed, of keeping clocks on time. Yale lived punct- ually in those days, and the major was a person of much im- portance. When the railway was completed, however, the sun-dial was no longer a necessity, and people began to talk of railroad time. In vain the major jeered at the innovation. When fe should be convinced that the Almighty had delegated his powers to a snip of a telegraph-operator he would set his watch by the station- clock. In the meantime the sun was good enough for him—and so on, His sarcasm enlivened the winter months, but hours of work and times of meeting continued to be fixed by advice from Victoria, When even the church-bells ceased ringing precisely as the clock in the waiting-room struck eleven, although Major M's sun-dial registered a quarter of the hour, his wrath accumulated to the bursting point. There was but one course open to a man of spirit, namely, to go to church at the correct time, no matter what all the idiots in the place did. Hence, every Sunday morning, at exactly fifteen ‘em.” NO DANGER. Sivas Peters (highly excited)—“‘All th’ caows is dryin’ up, pa." FARMER Peters (ca/mly)—"* Wot uv it?) Th’ pump ain minutes after the service had begun, Major M— walked sturdily up the aisle to a seat near the front, with the air of a man who has the sole and undivided approval of Providence. Naturally after a time amusement changed into annoyance, and the rector was moved to remonstrance. At the outset of his interview with the major there was an acrimonious discussion ranging from Columbus to the latest political scandal, When things became more pacific the clergyman came down to pleading, ONLY FOR APPEARANCE'S SAKE. Frowery Fieips—'* Wot's Weary doin’ over dere?” Bowery Sraccers— Tryin’ ter make out he’s respectable. He's jes’ begged a dime, ahead of the populace as an’ he's tossin’ it up ter see whedder he shall git a drink er a shave. tails he don’t git a shave.” “Don't be pig-head- ed, old man; you know as well as I that when the employés of the road go by one time the town must adopt the same. And it's very disturbing to me per- sonally to have my old friend come in a quarter of an hour after the service has begun.” At length the major gave a doleful promise. “Til do it for you,” he said gloomily; “and I suppose the next thing,” he ended grimly, “ you'll want me to sing ***Awake my soul, and with the C. P. R. time-table Thy daily stage of duty run." And thus, in one guise, the major is still Heads he gits adrink ; represented by the rector. MADGE ROBERTSON. ILLUSTRATED LETTER. The Gall, Brass & Nerve com- pany (unlimited). Gentle benefac- tors—My father, who isa druggist, determined to cure me of foot-bali playing; and when all legitimate means failed he providentially thought of your world.renowned and justly celebrated ‘*Ananias hair- invigorator.” He gave me one dose and secured this permanent cure. You are truly to be congratulated upon your wonderful remedy. AS my parent only made a profit of three hundred per cent. (an insig- nificant profit toa druggist) he said he knew it must be a wonderful remedy. Again thanking you for your marvelous cure, I am yours sweetly, WiLLeT Nevexcrow, comicbooks.coin