Judge — November 7, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wiape EXIGENCIES OF TRADE. ++LJOW would this free-silver business affect your trade?” asked a citizen of Mose Gargleheimer, who carries on a ready-made clothing trade on Ann street. Mose was sprink- ling a last-year’g overcoat with a watering-pot and sweeping it off with a floor-broom. “ Dot vould made a deefrance in our shtyle of doin’ peesness, dot vhas all.” “ How would it be different, Mose?” asked the citizen, “Dot is dead easy. Ve vouldn’t hafe to pud any pockets in our clodings, undt vould gife avay a neckshtrap undt a vheelparrow mit efery suit.” And the citizen scratched his head as he walked away, and Mose searched the pockets of the overcoat and, finding a silk handkerchief, clapped a placard on it, reading, “ Just imported. Cheap at fifty cents,” and thus went on with business, MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND THE FIRE. THE parlor-lamp caught fire the other night. I always knew it would, from the time I made one of those paper shades for it last Christmas. Nobody knows how it caught. George had just lit it. 1 was always afraid to go near the thing. George says, * Now, Mary Ellen, run for water and don’t yell.” “ Don’t yell,” in- deed! You can just bet yer I yelled! Tommy was down with the measles, but he up out 0° bed an’ run with an old piece of hose he had. Bob an’ his intended was in the dinin’-room—she passes her evenin’s with us mostly now, as she lives in a boardin’-house an’ Bob is studyin’ a course of elec- tricity nights. They both run t’ help George, who'd got the parlor rug up an’ had threw it over the lamp an” upset it. As he run Bob told ma t’ gether up a few things in a bedquil: for him to carry out. When I got back from the kitchen with water the room was full of smoke, an’ I jumped up on a chair to pull the porchers down that was afire an’ burnt off my bangs an’ my eyebrows an’ eyelashes. George grabbed me an’ buried my face in his coat, or | might ha’ been worse burnt than I was. Somebody ‘d turned in an alarm, an’ just as we got the fire put out the engine come Tommy was so disappointed he cried. But the poor kid wasn’t very well. A GOOD RUTTER- NUT. sv ——_ 8 COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. * Mosh ‘strordinary thing—can't move shingle shtep forward ; my backsh positively glued to this wall (hic)! SOUND ADVICE. THE CLAM (lo the oyster)—'* Why don’t you follow the ex- ample of an old rounder and shut up once in a while? Every time you open your face you get into broils and stews ! Ma got her insurance all right, but when I wanted the agent to allow me something for my bangs and eyebrows he said he couldn't think of it; it hadn’t hurt my beauty a bit. I wish you could see the bundle ma got ready for Bob, Four men He was an Irishman. couldn't have carried it acrost the room. It had the fam'ly bible an’ pa’s big crayon picture an’ gran’pa’s an’ gran’ma's, a little smaller, an’ four big photograph al- bums an’ all our silver an’ gran’ma’s Dutch tea-set an’ the gas-stove an’ Bob's best suit an’ Tommy's baby- clo'es an’ my first doll; an’ poor ma was a-pilin’ on pillers an’ beddin’ an’ table-linen, when Bob come an’ told her the fire was out. George ot his han’s burnt some, an’ laid off work for a few days, an’ whenever he's the least bit sick he always gets very sentimental. Him an’ me was sittin’ out on the pier one afternoon—I had on a thick veil an’ his hands was done up in cotton; an’ he says t’ me, “Mary Ellen, I dare you to come right round with me now toa minister's an’ get married!” An’ I says, “I'd be a sweet-lookin’ pilgarlic for a bride, wouldn't 1? I guess I'll wait till I get a little hair on my face, anywa MADELINE ORVIS, RE, it’s th’ poor praicher thot must talk loike th’ deuce whin he has nothin’ at all t’ say. SHANTYTOWN WHISPERS, Pat—" Did yez hear about ut?” About phwat ?” Pat—" Ronan's hod a shtick-plashter put on his property fer two Yousan’ dollars.” Mike—“' He did?” Pat—" He dit Mike—"' Will, I ought th’ poor divil would come to grafe soon, fer he's been drinkin’ grog loike a pfish lately.”