Judge — October 31, 1896 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“‘T hate,” sald Mr, Tolliver as he vainly tried to get his straw hat over his head, “to get these miserable hats wet; they shrink so.” Mrs, Tol- liver looked up from the breakfast - table. * There was no rain last night,” she freezingly remarked, Then Mr. Tolliver hastily perched his hat on top of his aching head and hurried from the house.—C/eveland Plain Dealer. Life is so short. Cook's Imperial Extra Dry Champagne will help yas enjoy it. It aids digestion and will prolong it. “This,” said the stranger, pointing to the passing cortége, “is a very scantily attended Well,” said the resident apologet- jou see the deceased was a base-ball ‘That accounted for it.— Waterbury Register, “T have been using Dr. Bull’s Cough Syrup for some time. It cured my baby of a very bad cough. I believe it was the means of sav- ing his life. Mrs. Thomas Hinton, Centre- ville, New Jersey. ** Miss Coldcash,” said Charley Chumpleigh, ** doesn't, seem to be much affected by the hot weather." ** What makes you think so?" asked his companion. ‘I met her on the street this morning and it hadn't melted her icy stare."— Washington Times. You know that Dr. Siegert’s Angostura Bit- ters is the only genuine. Do not be deceived by unscrupulous dealers who want to impose on you with spurious imitations. If we have a cold October the pilgrims to the shrine of McKinley will do well to put on Can- ton flannel. If this remark does not suffer from under wear—well, what's the use of talk- ing ?—Brooklyn Eagle, After mature reflection ex-Secretary Whitney has decided that“ life's grand sweet song" de- serves an encore.—Chicago Times- Herald, BABY'S LOGIC. ‘To-day I asked my mamma if I could whittle— Yes, I did. “Ob, no, my gitlie,”” said she; ‘* you're too little" So she did. But Tom stepped so hard right on my toe Leried, I did. She said, ‘Oh, you're too big a girl to cry out so"— ‘That's what she did. Why can’t I cry if I am little? Or if I'm big why can’t I whittle? St, Louis Republic. “HUNTER g Baltimore Rye” The American Gentleman's WHISKEY, FOR CLUB, en NS. ‘MEDICINAL THE BEST WHISKEY IN AMERICA Endorsed by Leading Physicians when stimulant Is prescribed. “Drink = Pure, if on e, Old, Mellow, It Is pure.” OLD AT ALL First-class Cafes and by Jobbers. (WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. THE CELEBRATED SOHMER Pianos aro the Best. Warerooms: 149-155 E. 14th St., New York. Cavrion—The busing public will please not con found the Soumer Piano with ove of a similarly rounding name of cheap grade. Our name spelle— S—0—-H-M—E-R. GET RICH QUEKLY, Send for satmrentions wanted.” fate & Co., 243 Broadway, New York. PROM JERUSALEM TO JERICHO. No city man was he. A little village His occupation when not writing papers On abstruse themes like nebulze and vapors, Atomic theory or social statics, Penology, the higher mathemati Crime’s causes and effects, like: So very wide his range and erudition His mind embraced all ranks and each condi tion ; And as his wisdom paralleled his learning, Whate'er he wrote set thoughtful people yearn- ing To read and ponder more from such a master— A modern Solon—nay, a Zoroaster ! ‘They wondered even down at Harvard college How one small head could carry all his knowl- edge. A special curative he had for thieving : He held—and there is ground for his believ- ing— That those who live and thrive by deeds im- Prope! ° Surpass in intellect the average “' copper Who collars them. His mode was to procure them Square work, with greater gains, and thereby cure them, That New York needs just such a man a fact is; So he was asked to put his plan in practice. He came, but hadn't been in town an hour Ere he was in the bunco gentry’s power. They took his watch—a gift of former schol- ars— His cash and cheque for several hundred dol- lars. —George Moss in the Commercial Travelers’ Home Magazine, As a specific against dyspepsia and other troubles of the stomach, also as an appetizer and for mixing in drinks, nothing superior to BOKER’S BITTERS. Mr. Spriggins (gently)—"' My dear, a Bos- ton man was shot at by a burglar and his life was saved by a button which the bullet struck.” Mrs, Spriggins—"* Well, what of it?" Mr. Spriggins (meekly)—"* Nothing ; only the but- tons must have been on."—Boston Traveler. ery and many an historical spot if you take the Quickest and most comfortable route between Chi and St, Paul, Miane- ‘and the Northwest. aretes POND, Gen'l Pass. A; WELLINGTON, Traffic Tiltwaukee, Wis. 1 ref Yeast—"* Did your wife say anything, a week ago, when you went home late?” Crimson- beak—"* Well, I should rather say she did! She talked for an hour. But she’s made atonement for it. She hasn't spoken to me since."— Yon- hers Statesman, its curing, Reforms—how rendered certain and enduring. When the English philanthopists perceive the apathy with which the news of Spanish out- Near Boston was his home, and garden tillage | rages in Cuba is received in the United States they will comprehend how impossible it is for this country to help England in the Armenian business.— Philadelphia Ledger. Uygtent every man commita Goer not wear the ‘All imitations are trad io Osrueiwen Bnos., 62 Broadway, N-¥- My and Economically Ske—""1 don't see how you ever came to propose to me in the first place if I am so ut- terly distasteful'to you. I gave you no encour- He—"Oh, yes, you did, You turned the gas down so low that T-could not see your face."—Jridianapolis Journal, 3 AND STAMPS teat ‘Hoon. “Titustrated circulars ean be obtained by {Wo siampe to Namlamatie Bank, Dept. J, Bosto are tn great demand, ing $1to seeaing Mrs, Nubbins—* My busband is a, perfect You amaze me.” ince the baby began teething dothing would quiet the little angel but pull- is papa’s beard, and yesterday he went is beard shaved off."—Tit-bits, The cruel newspapers are publishing the hor- rid story that a sweet-girl graduate in a neigh- boring town read an essay on physiology, in which she said, “* The human body is divided into three parts—the head, the chist and the stummick. ‘The head contains the eyes and the brains, if any. ‘The chist contains the lungs ‘and a piece of the liver, ‘The stummick is de- voted to the bowels, of which there is five— a,¢, 1,0, u, and sometimes w and y."— Za Moure Chronicle, Mamma (to Willie, who is sliding down the cellar-door)—"* Willie, what are you doing?’ Willie a pair o’ pants fur a poor orphan boy."—Pitisburg Bulletin, Yale “ture % we TAILOR. 255 FIFTH AVENUE, Correct. les. Bet. 28th and agth Sts., fraported Pabries Exclusively, New York. ALTH EXERCISER | Sinks, Fer deoremen: Vaden: Fouthnsatniete Sriavaid- Coniplete gjmeastum: takes bie, chan indorsed by a0 phys Bltha layers itreymen, editors, ad Bere using te fe Hioneratea vr | Ws siento i Payee ia mea Cigar teU.S. Generally Sold Everywhere. JACOB STAHL, JR, & CO., NEW YORK. E |e @& One of a man's chief enjoyments in a love- affair is that he has found some one at last who believes everything he says.—d schison Globe. DEAPES:.2.o0 ours cur ts Bbteay, su ¥_ tr bo sod Pres FREE comicbooks.com