Judge — October 10, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A SAD STATE OF THINGS. N OYSTER climbed upon a pole To rest his weary bones ; “A robin built his pretty nest Upon a pile of stones ; The elephant danced a highland fling On the bough of an ap- ple-tree, And such a mixed-up state of affairs No one ever before did see! For a wee little mouse ate up the cat; ‘The horse drove the man to town; ‘The pigs played tag on the kitchen-floor ; ‘The ducks slid down on the cellar-door ; The turkeys laughed till they could laugh no more, And the world seemed upside-down, MARIE FLAACKE, THE CORRECT ANSWER. QO YOU have captured the moonshiners," said the chief to his lieutenant. “Good enough! How did you happen to be so suc- e: = cessful?” A HORRIBLE EXAMPLE. “Well, sir, we went on a still hunt,” ree. JOMNNIE (reading)—"** Three little children were out in a boat on Sunday, when it was struck by plied the lieutenant, who dearly loved a merry lightning and two were killed P “IMIS GRANDMOTHER (so/emnly)—"Ah, Johnnie, I hope you see the moral to that.” jest. Jouxxiz—" Yes'm, It says they were crossing the river on the way to Sunday-school when struck.” Ram Ramble—" Wot Vd like ter see is de railroads wid newmatic tires, so a feller cud travel widout gittin’ de rumpety-bumps, It ain't aristercratic ter have yer jissard joltid inter yer skylight. Den when I strikes a burg I'd like ter be writ up in de noospa- pers an’ have ne pedigree put before de public eye. Den I'd like ter be a prophert, so 1 cud tell w'ere de next poke-out wuz waitin’ fer me, so we cud git togedder at de earlies’ opportoonity. Den I'd have all de water-tanks along de route filled wid Java an’ de coal- bunks wid punk, an’ I'd have mooshilage pouretl along de track, so de gravel wudn't con- nect wid yer wisage w'en yer bunmin’ de trucks er de rods. Den I'd hike ter have de faclety uv inwisibility (I foun’ dat in de ditchinnery), so I cud sit in de caboose wid de brakies an’ git second frum deir pipes widout bein’ tol’ ter‘ hit de grit.’ An’ den, fer de las’ t'ing ter make me pairadice complete, I'd like ter see de legislater give all de worn-out beaus a pension an’ approperate money fer a home fer de agid bums. Dat's all.” | = THE HOBO’S PARADISE. | THE FISHERMAN’S LUCK. 1. THE FLAMINGO: Tere's a cinch!" TRUE. 6 6 YJORRY,” says Davie the wise, “is jus’ a lot ‘o’ thinks a feller can’t stop.” RAPID PROGRESS. ©*G0 YOU think Miss Lakefront is up to snuff, eh?” “ Well, rather, “She must have made rapid strides, then, for when I knew her she was only up to cigarettes.” SENT BELOW. E WHEELED with little fear or doubt Up to Saint Peter's porch, But there the good man knocked him out By dooming him to scorch. DIDN’T WANT TO LISTEN. ; aus . Bagley—" Hello, Bailey! You're the Mr. Jonnson (reading)—* Heah’s a man got terribly burned. an’ very . nt bls wife allowed’ de doctals toe take two square fG0t ob akin off ob her CTY man. want to see. I want to tell Be oile sieved de doce you all about my domestic troubles. Mrs. JouNson—" Whad she do dat fo'?" Bailey —" Thank you, Bagley; but 1 ioe rab hie Wee ccna es wish you'd wait until some day next week, * On'y jes’ married, 1 s'pose : No; bin married five yeahs,” when I shall be busier than Iam to- 5 Tie riastincu—" So he is, son N—** Lawd! how dem reportahs kin lie.” day.” Thanks! comicbooks.com