Judge — August 22, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

udpe TIMES IN TEXAS. A study in the sociologic and business conditions of the lone star state, S THE reporter was looking over the register of a Broadway hotel in quest of some- thing interesting the clerk called up a tall, ungainly chap standing near the desk. studying a railroad map, and introduced him as a Texan who might have something to say for the benefit of newspaper readers. The Texan was pleased by the compli- ment, and manifested no disposition to remain silent in the face of the grand possi- bilities presented. “May I ask what part of Texas you are from?" inquired the reporter with exceeding suavity. “ Purgatory Springs, Hays county,” was the prompt response. “That sounds as if your town had been named by the late General Sheridan,” suggested the reporter, smiling. ‘The face of the Texan indicated that the reporter had erred in mentioning General Sheridan and Texas under the same roof, “It wasn’t, just the same,” said the Texan curtly. “1 beg your pardon,” apologized the reporter, ** How are times down your way?” “ Mighty dull.” “To what do you attribute the depression—financial legislation? Are Hays-county people in favor of silver?” “ We're kinder mixed on national isshers; it’s local questions that we air most interested in." “In what respect?” “Well, fer instance, ther ain’t been a hoss stole in our county fer three months.” This was a new quantity in the hard-times problem, and the reporter was stumped. HE DIDN'T RING, THe Rovs—"' Say, mister! pa left word dat ef yer didn’t t'ink small- | | | | pox was contagious ter pull de bell an’ he'd come down an’ hand yer de Tent.” “Lcan’t quite sce what that has to do with whether times are good or bad,” he ventured. “That's because you hain’t been in our county.” “Will you kindly explai “Uv course. You see it’s this a-way—when ther’s a hoss stole the owner hires eight er ten men to go lookin’ fer him at a dollar a day an’ found, an’ that gives employment to the unemployed an’ puts money in circulation. Then when they ketch the son-uv-a-gun ther's a hangin’, an’ that gives the people somethin’ else to think about besides the hard times till another hoss is stole, an’ so ther’s always a sort uv a lively an’ enterprisin’ feelin’ in the communerty. 1 tell you when hoss-thieves is plenty out our way Hays county ain't keerin’ a dern whether congress is in session er not.” SRORERCITE TED! After declining fourteen invitations to drink and accepting two the reporter DkFeNvANt’s couNst ‘ou say you saw the defendant deliber- Skillfully absented himself. ately killing your wife and yet made no outcry? Now why didn't you make an outcry?” WIness"*I couldn't, boss. T wor eatin’ watermilion an’ couldn't "TO SEEK absolution without expiation is to go to market with empty pockets stop long enuf.” and return empty-handed. WW, J. LAMPTON, THE BICYCLE RACE, “ They're off !" the starter cried ‘As down the street they flew; And every scorcher tried His hump ng best to do. ‘An ice-van loomed ahead Before they'd gone a square. * They're off!" the driver said ; “They're of!" And so they were. CARL CUREIR. comicbooks.com