Judge — July 25, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RSNA A REMUNERATIVE SCARE. 1. MR. Sprent (returning from a ball)—"'1 baid you I scgare der life oudt obf dot golcred mans, 2. Mr, FOWLER (horrified )—"* Great Hoods! mah sin hab— THAT ALL MAY SEE. TS now the woman up to date Has naught to be afraid of ; She shows us, when upon the beach, ‘The kind of stuff she’s made of. A DOLLAR AN HOUR. Mamma—*\am inclined to be suspicious of Mr. Smithers.” Maud—" Why, mamma, he always wears a dress-suit when he calls." Mamma—* Yes; but it is not always the same one, my child. MARtA—" Hello, Tom ! ‘Tom—"* Nor any one else. , what I want is a nice corner block in the best quarter. T haven't seen you since Bobby touched off that giant rocket he had strapped to you on the fourth of July.” re I went off with an out-of-sight combination that had plenty of push and powder behind it, on a starring tour.”* uae ANNALS OF THE DEAD. HE triple mill- ionaire brushed the clouds from his brow and, finding himself confronted by a massive silver door, began to seek for the electric but- ton with one hand and for his card- case with the other. The place was Saint Peter's Para- dise. The time, eternity. A heavy knock- er appeared in place of the expected bell, and he raised the handle and let it fall with a stroke which sent the cherubs scattering from a prank projected on the nodding saint. WELL READ. CotongL BLoopcoop—"* Sam, those imported Russian hens you sold me last week are nothing but cochin chinas.” Sam—** Wa-al, suh, Russia 's coachin’ China iais now, yo" know.” The portal opened and the venerable figure of the door-keeper appeared on the threshold, “ My dear sir,” began the new comer, with the affability he was wont to employ with those whose position he was not entirely sure of, but might be called upon to respect, “ my card-case has evidently been taken from me by your customs-officers.. But you probably know of me from my notoriety as a public man. In that respect, I believe, we are both in the same boat. Ha! ha! The humorists have found us shining marks. Eh? But to business. 1 have just arrived in your pleasant territory, and it seems to be the proper thing to establish one’s self here. Now, You, of course, understand what I mean by the best. Next door toa governor preferred, and within a stone’s-throw of the president if possible. I will affix my name to a cheque and you shall fill it in with any figure you like.” Saint Peter smiled pas- sively and said nothing. ‘The late arrival began a vain search for documents and credentials ; but no trans- ference of heavenly estate took place that day, for his cheque-book, with his coffers, had been left in the country whence he came. KATHRINE GROSJRAN. BALD- HEADED. Ss DAVIE, do you know Mr. Baldley ?” “Is he th’ feller that's troubled with ingrowin’ hair?” 3. —foun’ me out at larst.”” PREVIOUS SERVICE. S¢LTAS the young H man any references ?” “No; but heac- knowledges he was for two weeks the funny man of the War Cry.” UNAVOIDA- BLY HEAVY. He—" Wonder- ful how some peo- ple weigh every word they say.” She—‘More wonderful that they don't break the scales.’ HI oe comicbooks.com