Judge — May 30, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TRUTH OF THE CASE. usband comes in drunk every night. “It’s no such thing ! * Lhear your (indignan because [ won't let him in.” SQUELCHING A RAILER. HE MAD been railing against the new woman's bible. The very idea,” he had said among other things; “the very idea of a parcel of women undertaking to revise the bible to suit their own notions! It ought to be stopped by law. In It's positively sacrilegious. + heard of such presumption.” The old bible is good enough for you, 1 suppose, sir?” replied one of his auditors. “Yes, sir; it is, It was good enough for my father and my moth- er and for their parents before them, and it is plenty good enough for me—plenty good enouzh, sir.” *T suppose you are quite a student of the bible, then?” “Tdon't set up to be a student of the bible, sir, but I have a pro- found respect for the ancient volume. Now the very idea of a few women“. “Well, if you are not what might be called a student of the bible you at least read it sometimes. You read a chapter or two every Sun- day, of course?” “No, I cz but, as i said before, 1 consider this jon of a few forward women presumptuous in the extreme, oe “Well,” interrupted the questioner, “if you do not read the old bible much you are at least familiar with its teachings from hearing it read in churches, and can repeat the commandments, for instance?” "t say that I do He stays outside and swears till morning Manager Bangs out exercising his "* Colts.” “T don’t think I could do that, either. You see it has been quite a while since I went to Sunday-school, and" — You have never read the bible since then?” “ Well—er—er"— ‘ou can’t repeat the ten commandments or the beatitudes?” “Well, you see 1" “Probably you don’t know the name of the first book in the bible?” “TL wouldn't like to say I did for certain, but am quite sure that these women who have made a pre- tended translation "— “That's all right; but if you know no more about the bible than your answers lead me to suppose I am afraid your opinion is not worth very much. Go and discuss base-ball prospects for the season. I think that subject is more in your line.” .0ok here! do you mean to insult me?” “Not at all; Iam only giving you good advice. Don't try to discuss subjects on which you are igno- rant; and before you begin to talk again about your veneration for the bible try to find out the name of the first book it contains.” ‘The railer growled inaud.bly a few minutes more, but had nothing further to say on the subject. WILLIAM WeNRY siveTaH, PRELIMINARIES, Prospective Gurst—" I never saw so much drunkenness before at a summer resort ; and the season hasn't even opened yet has Horet-rrorricror—" Why, no; an’ what's more, it can’t opén till somebody ’s seen the sea-serpent, er a man-eatin” shark. er a whale, er sunthin’, What d'ye s'pose I'm furnishin’ free liquor to them clam.diggers fer—/un ?" A RECONCILING THOUGHT. . * ARTHUR, dear,” she said, “1 do wish you would not use cigarettes.” “Why?” “Because you don't know what is in them.” “Oh, yes, 1 do. Why, for the trifling sum that a cigarette costs you get nicotine, valerian, possibly a little morphia, and any quantity of carbon,” She looked up into his eyes and murmured, “Arthur, dear, it does seem like a bargain, doesn’t it?” ACCURACY. Editor —"You say in this story that ‘in 1882 Mr. Hanks was promoted to his present position,’ ” Spacery!—" Well, “what of in?” Editor—" The man is dead.” comicbooks.com