Judge, 1896-05-30 · page 5 of 16
Judge — May 30, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This 1890s page contains multiple short humorous pieces reflecting period attitudes: **"So True!"** mocks a Black church sexton requesting higher wages to support his stylish wife—the joke relies on racist stereotypes about Black people and consumption. **Bicycle humor** dominates several cartoons. "A Necessary Change," "His Instructions," and the final untitled piece depict novice cyclists comically falling or losing control—bicycles were then a novel, fashionable technology, and their adoption by women and working-class people generated social anxiety and ridicule. **"Love's Labor's Lost"** satirizes a husband deliberately breaking dishes hoping to escape dishwashing, while his wife secretly welcomes the breakage—poking fun at domestic gender dynamics. **"Judge's Dictionary"** offers cynical definitions mocking restaurants, theaters, churches, and stores with contempt for service workers and modern consumer culture. The overall tone reflects turn-of-century American attitudes: dismissive of racial minorities, amused by new technologies disrupting social norms, and skeptical of modern institutions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
uae SO TRUE! THE colored sexton of St. Peter's church hgs a very styl- ish mulatto wife. Ask- ing for a Bigger salary, he gave as a reason, “It’s mighty hard to keep a sealskin wife on a muskrat salary.” A NECESSARY CHANGE, SELF-EVIDENT. oe HAT does the expression ‘dead - line” mean?” asked Dumsquizale. “The hangman's rope,” replied Dusen- Cohen was doing very well as a beginner until he got “gay” and — HIS INSTRUCTIONS, HE gardener was in a quan- dary. He had been told to mow the lawn, but the grass was quite high, and he knew not whether to use a scythe or the mower; so he accosted Davie. “Say, boy; how does yer want this grass cut?” It is not aften the boy is appealed to for instructions, and he was flattered.” He pondered a moment with forehead wrink- chile? — tried scorching— led and eyes closed; then he said, Well, say! s'pose you cut her pompadour this time. FRACTIONS. Teacher (to Harty)—" Read the fractions 1 am put- ting on the blackboard.” Harry (reading) —“ One-fourth, one-third, one-tooth.”” —making this hirsute connection, which laid him up three weeks— FROM JUDGE'S DICTIONARY. House—A place where men keep their wives. Church—A social resort cultivated by young men of holy exterior and matrimonial proclivi- ties. City—A congregation of individuals gather- ed together for the purpose of making life pleas- ant for reformers. Restaurant—An establishment whose serv- ants display a reprehensible contempt for the sanctity of the vernacular. Store—An establishment conducted for the delectation of ladies, who inspect the wares with a view of subsequent in- vestment. Theatre— An institution in which bad manners are taught by example. Also a place of amuse- ment for occupants of the front row. LOVE'S LABOR 'S LOST. Mr. Henry PECK (lo Aimself)—" Bright idea of mine, this purposely dropping china, It will eventually emancipate me from this infernal dish-wiping programme.” (Crash f) Mus, Henry PECK (secretly pleased)—" Oh, dear! | do hope he keeps breaking them, I want a new china set so much !" EDWARD CLAYTON SAVAGR. AMBITIOUS, ad yo" want ob a bicycle?” wants toe scorch—same ez white Mrs. Jonnson—" Kain't yo' wait till yo're daid, yo" hasty A SERIES OF CALAMITIES. GRIEVED by the man she loved, she suffered acutely. Every fibre of her being responded to her mental anguish. Her head fell upon her breast, her jaw dropped, she lost her tongue, her eyes lay on the carpet, her heart was in her throat, and her BW face was turned to stone. At this point they sent for the doctor. When he arrived he found her all broken up. SAME OLD FOOL. THE. summer girl who broke our heart last season, And made us sadly think what might have been, Knows very well that love is without reason, And smiles to think she'll have us back again. —and now this is the way he rides.