Judge — May 30, 1896 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VERNACULAR. se] THERE any hope, doc?" anx- ivusly inquired a Ne- braska man as the physician concluded his examination of the sick woman, “There hain't,” was the brief reply. The man drew his toil-hardened hand across his eyes. me, doc,” he said ina voice that quivered with emotion, “but I reckon I'll have t' let ‘er rip.” AT THE ROOT OF IT. ITTLE Eddie awoke one morn- ing, recently, cross and fretful. As the day advanced he became peevish and languid, The toys, books and : DIDN'T JOIN, OF COURSE, A , ey ees Htenviet bat nae he wants to fine Gar church en ef we fet hin nto ove fold he probably wont fea aby mo'ehickeneee Gay failed to teen . but now he wants to jine our chu’ch, en ef we let him into our fold he probably won't steal any : sery tall Deacon RANDOLPH (rising impressively) —" Bredderin, we all knows dat membahship in dis chu'ch doan keep no fellah frum. or amuse the little — stealin’ chickens, an’ we also knows dat jais ez long ez Jim Jackson ain't a Christian he's de principal objec’ ob suspicion in dis yar fellow, which quite town. 1 move we keep him out.” alarmed his anxious mother, Taking him upon her lap, she requested him endearingly to “tell mamma where the naughty pain burt him.” “Tt hurts me right here,” said the little sufferer, pointing to. his mouth. “Perhaps his throat is sore,” suggested the nurse. “Yes, it is,” replied the boy; “right back there where my tongue is fastened.” TOO MUCH SLACK. HE knows she makes a pretty view, In spite of cynic’s scathing ; That's why she finds her bloomers too Voluminous for bathing. A THOUGHT, H’r Tan X-ray camera "Twould pleasant be, I've thought, To look up in my memory ‘The things long since forgot. A STORIETTE. Me: AND MRS. JOHN SMITH did not live happily together. He was a pretty fair average hus- band, and got along pretty well with her, when she let him, She did not get along so well with him, and oft- times let him know it, after the man- ner of her kind. But the trodden worm will turn. ‘Time, the great leveler and evener up of all things, brought the occasion Her tomb- stone, erected by the bereaved hus- band, has inscribed upon it, after the N'IMPORTE, A. CONSIDERATION. customary birth and death an- Toots —* That's too bad; I've Docror Dose — "No, I do not think the bill exorbitant. Your Nouncements, the scriptaral quota- lost the cork out of my flask.” wife's illness was well-nigh fatal.” tion, “There remaineth therefore “ it 4 Pen Mr. Harpraci “I know, doctor ; but it wasn't fatal. You should take Gi Soak—"Oh, that’s all right; that into consideration.” a rest unto the people of God. what do we want of a cork?” SHORT DIVISION. Driver (to balky mule)—"* Yo' won't go? Is I got toe make a exhample ob yor agin? Well, en, take dat for one, an” dat fo! fo.” Mute (aieatening to his senses)—"'And that for three !"