Judge — May 23, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Yais—Jim allus wuz a bungler, A CONVERSATION IN PARADISE. bs YOU look very thought- ful, my friend,” said Saint Paul, who happened to be strolling near the gate and stopped for a short chat with Saint Peter. “Well, [have been think- ing,” replied the late * About what ?” “Well, you know I've kept the gate all these many hundred years and no one has ever presumed to aspire to my place, but— but * But what ? HE WAS A NOVICE. Did yo heah ‘bout Jim Jackson's committin’ suicide an dyin’ frum de effects ob it?” Mah gran‘father committed suicide sebben times fore he died ob old age.”* WHY THEY TARRIED, 354 FIVE-O’CLOCK TEA. TEA is a tipple 1 Only consent to try When it so happens my Hostess is charming ; Then I am apt to drink Deeply and, were it ink, Should do the same and think Nothing alarming. Oolong is good, I dare Say, and Ceylon is fair— ‘Still, I but little care What kind the tea be: All my concern is who Pours it and hands it to ~ Me with a smile—a true Latter-day Hebe. Fancy us sitting down By a small tea-pot brown, Each with a draught to drown verything stupid : In it the sugar slips— Then a few tiny sips, Scarce enough for the lips Of a young Cupid. Five-o'clock tea—at six ; Cupid is at his tricks ! Fetch out the candlesticks, Let's light a candle! We will go back to prose, Love ; and I don’t suppose This little teapot knows Aught of a scandal, What if it does? and what If it should tell a lot? Gossip it may and not Be very vicious. Ours was a harmless bliss— All of which comes to this : Tea taken with a kiss Is most delicious ! ‘Thus it is that I take Tea for another's sake, What if I lie awake Hearing you beat, heart ! T should not blame the tea Were [ awake till three, Since there are sure to be “That man Talmage is due up here almost any day now.” OLD Lapy—"t Here! What are you men doing in my front yard?" Dreams of my sweetheart, Weary WiLLiE—" We're a-waitin’ fer yer grass ter grow, lady, so’s we kin git a job cuttin’ it.” YEUX CARMEN, HARD LUCK. ErneL—“ Are youse plungin’ on de races dis year, Mister Raf- ferty?" Mister Rarrerty—' Not yet—me mudder, me sisters an’ me girl all lost deir jobs ter wunst.” DOUBLE ACTION. The sportsman who fishes and shoots simultaneously.