Judge — May 16, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DIDN'T GET THEM STRAIGHT. FARM-HAND (religiously inclined )—** Did you ever stop to think who set those stars in the heav- ens, sir?" Farsex —‘* Naw ; but th’ feller thet did th’ job could never set terma- ters fer me.” AN EVIDENT OMISSION. Ancient-history: man — Here are the names of some of the tribes inhabiting Canaan — The Kenites, the Kenizzites, the Kadmonites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Amor- ites, the Girgashites, the Hivites, the Jebusites, ard the Moabites. Man from New Jersey about the mosquito-bites?” AT LAST. THE Britons now our humor praise (Tis time that they awoke), For they, by use of RGntgen’s rays, At last can see a joke. INTERIOR DECORATION, Mrs, Nodd—"1 gave my hus- band a beautiful pipe to-day.” Mrs. Todd—" Which room are you going to hang it in?” Mrs. Kextuc pain. and see if it won't stop your side-ache.” —'' I'm sorry, dear, your neuralgia gives you such intense Tl put this patent air-tight bottie of water in the oven, heat it real hot, WILLING TO ACCOMMODATE. IsaacsteIN—"' So you vant a job, hey? Do you drink, or lie, or shteal, or gamble—hey ?” APPLICANT but I wish to reform.” ISAACSTEIN (slotoly)—** Vell, I don’d need any hellup like dot mineselluf shust_now, but I vill gif you a fine recommend unt send you ofer to Kosen- baum’s.”” AND NOW SHE BELIEVES HIM, gerous.”” T have been a drunkard, sir, and a liar and a thief too; Covowet, Kexruck (a f i antly)—** Thar, "Mandy! I've told you time and agin that water is dan- 333 SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. HOSE who seek to propitiate the devil are his acknowledged inferiors. The sinner who marries a saint has need of no further punishment. Compulsory salvation is a heavenly ladder lack- ing support for the upper end. The latter half of man’s life is given him to redeem the errors of the first. To the indolent and optimistic mind a good resolution is as potent and comforting as deeds ac- complished. If thou hast entered the house of thy friend ‘once too often let its portals invite and await thee a year and a day, The man whose voice is never raised in con- demnation is most likely one who has a sensitive shrinking from personalities. When your friend forcibly thrusts upon you some article of virtu which you may have been in- discreet enough to admire it may be that he is mak- ing a heroic effort at self-sacrifice, or it may be that he is ridding himself of an incumbrance. It is woman's imagination that keeps her young—her fine enthusi- asm, her necessity for idealizing. Her glowing sentiment melts away the incongruity which separates her in middle age from the love of youth; for an ideal is always lov- able to its creator. KATHIINE GROS]RAN. MRS. HOWSON LOTT. GHE said her flower-seeds were grand ; She bought the very best. She planted them last evening, and ‘The chickens did the rest. AT THE FRONT. Biff—" The new woman is de- termined to usurp all the privileges enjoyed by the men, while retaining those she already possesses.”” Bang—"1 don't think so. For instance, the bald-headed ones will hardly be found occupying the front row of seats at the theatre.” few moments later—after the explosion—triumph- comicbooks.com|