Judge — May 16, 1896 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MIGHT BE DANGEROUS. PARSON DipPER —' indly remobe dose obershoes, Mis’ Kink. I hez no objecshins agin yo’ wearin’ ‘em, but I's ‘feered dat de rotary resistince agin dis strong current would discomboberlate de cerrymony !" MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND THE TABLE D’ HOTE DINNER. GEORGE HALLIDAY an‘ me don't agree about anything to eat except bananas—we neither of us like them ; an’ he likes a boiled dinner, an’ I can’t bear it; an’ I just hate rare meat, an’ he won't eat clams ; an’ it’s so about pretty much everything. But we're both of one mind about tabble-dote dinners—we jest despise ‘em. He's real good too, when we're out anywheres, about gittin’ me whatever I want t’ eat; but he pokes fun at me a good deal, Cold day when I care for that, though. Once when we was down t’ Coney he says he saw th’ waiter’s knees give under him when I ordered two charlotte-rooshes an’ a glass of beer. An’ one time when I wanted a third plate of clam chowder he said he'd git it, but he'd take me to another restaurant, an’ I could have two at every restaurant on the beach. He was jest that way when the gang made fun of me for orderin’ liver-an’-bacon for dinner in a Third-avenue restaurant last Decoration day; he brought his fist down on the table an’ he says, “* Look here, all of yous ! T told Mary Ellen t’ order whatever she wanted ; an’ if liver-an’-bacon she wants, why liver- an’-bacon it is! See?” It was Bob's widder that got us t’ go t' this place where you can git a tabble-dote dinner an’ a bottle of wine for thirty-five cents. An’ such wine! Nasty, sour, puckery stuff! It was enough t’ give you a INCOMPATIBILITY, pain t’ see Divorce Lawyer —" You say your husband absolutery Bob sittin’ barra ele Geacar into tears)—" Y-yes—he hasn't let there pre- me sit in his lap since the honeymoon." tendin’ he liked it. An’ eatin’ so much grease! When ma hast’ be so careful at home for fear of gittin’ things too rich. It’s a wonder to me that that widder’s face ain't all broke out. An’ where on earth she puts all of one of them dinners with her clothes so skin tight! Well, that’s one of the mysteries ! First we had soup that tasted like boiled dish-rags ; an’ then some fish that looked like picked-up codfish with the bones left in; an’ some roast lamb that was about raw; an’ some green peas an’ no spoon to eat ‘em with; an’ chicken so old that it was tender in second childhood ; an’ Bob an’ that widder sat there an’ eat canned ‘sparagus with their fingers. If ma ‘d seen him do that when he was five years old she'd have slapped his hands. I could have eat a little of the macaroni if I could have strung it over my fork th’ way th’ rest of ‘em did, There wasn’t enough vinegar on th’ salad, an’ when I put more on Bob glared at me; an’ he drank a cup of coffee strong enough t’ do a song-an’-dance. They didn’t give any pie, an’ I eat a few nuts an’ raisins, an’ as for feet George, I guess all he eat was a cigarette; any way, when we got outside cts 3 I was mighty glad to hear him say, “ Well, no more tabble-dotes for me! TSE fHOTOORAPHER ve Now, madam, just keep your eye on meand Coie on Mary Ellen! Let's go somewheres an’ git a square meal.” xo, comichooks.