Judge — May 16, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Ament. Brwwann Gitta 1. M. Guncory, Aditor PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONTTRD STATES AND CANADA IM ADVANCR One copy, one year. of 52 numbers - $5.00 ‘One cows: six months, of 26 aumbers - 2.50 ‘One copy, for thirteen weeks == 1.3 Inclading the Cuursraas Juocr FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $0.00 a yar THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (jupcR BUILDING] Corner Pifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. ere cal paper pi ‘The International News bach's News Exchange, Me sarantes advertiters a larger circulation than any other American sattri- jthed. sale at Brentano's Strand, London; ndom: at Saar: tephanstrasse 27 NOTICE TO PURLISHERS.—The contents of Juoce are protected by copy- night in both the United States and Great Britain. Iofringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted, ‘THE BONES at Monticello recently awoke to ecstasy the living liars THE STEALING by Dr. Morgan was not plagiaristic. It was thelt- uous. eee THE SAINTS’ OWN. ERHAPS the best civil-service reform is the resignation of Mr. Godkin from the state commfission of that name. We must not expect too much in these steps toward heaven, but if the other commissioners misht resign the commission would be more capable of good than it ever has been. A FATAL NEWNESS. BROOKLYN has a young girl who robs smaller children to 5 et money with which to buy candy. There is a future for this new sess. The girl will probably become a great burglar. For nothing “an stop the progress of the changed woman, whether she goes toward te good or the bad. By-and-by she may learn to be as mean as the oth .r sex, and then we shall have fallen into great trouble. SPANISH HYSTERICS. PAIN MIGHT make it uncomfortable for our ships, but the discom- fort wouldn’t last long. Spanish anger ir terrible, and if it were backed with commensurate power it would be j .tensely disagreeable. But Spain has rather more than she can do to v sip the Cubans; and even if she accomplishes that result she will be to far exhausted, as to money and men, to carry the war into the United states. THE LUCK OF “SUR WILLIAM. EVES YTHING favors McKinlev. The new know-nothing organiza- tion has declared against him, and its opposition ought to be a tower of strength. There was a rumor that Quay. was about to declare for McKinley, and that was danger- OBERT E, PATT!SON hasn't said that he won't have it, but he isn’t afraid he can get it. JOHN STETSON is believed to have met twelve of the apostles, and is probably now looking for the other three, ‘THE STATESMAN of the future who errs will be sentenced to work on the Venezuelan commis- sion for the term of his natural life. R. KEED succeeds admirably in holding his own, but there is an ardent necessity that he shall hold that of some of the other fel- lows. eee WE MUST COMMEND Lieu- ” Aylin ous; but, happily. the story is de- nied. Finally the enmity of Platt is stronger than ever, and that alone ought to be enough to secure his nomination by acclamation. LOVE AND STINGINESS. MISS ME. BRADDON, writing for the Philadelphia Bulletin, says the right of woman to propose involves a heavy responsibility. It obliges the lady to take her sweet- heart to the opera, to give him con- fectionery. and perhaps to supply him with beer and tobacco. To do this correctly the lady must pay the necessary expenses, and therefore the old way is the best and the pop- ping must be done by the old-fash- ioned man, Sordid thing! As if tenant Peary as the most Buy—z money were to be thought of in successful pole-chaser because he ‘ a these affairs of the heart. says he is never going to hunt the WHAT HE NEEDED. pole again. Flowery Fietps (with a groan)—" Bill, I'm feelin’ all busted up. tink VICIOUS RETALIATION. ie « HARD WORK has its honors. If genius is insanity Mr. How- ells is not only a good author but a very level-headed man, BEER COSTS a quarter of a dollar a glass in Alaska; so it is almost as aristocratic to get intoxicated there as it is in this town, I'll hev ter see a doctor. plumber.” THE WHEELERS having secured free railway transportation in this state for their vehicles, there must now be special effort in behalf of the horseless carriage. +s YOU CAN'T LEAP across a puddle in two jumps.” says the Elmira Gazette, ere is one of those cases in which nature didn't do the square thing by us, We have long so regarded it. A WOMAN of Buffalo married a blind man and immediately ran away with all the money he had. Hereafter the thief who stole the coppers off a dead man’s eyes must be looked upon as comps HE COVER of the Cosmopolitan for April is mostly composed of a woman with a hard countenance and some elaborately prepared red wool where the hair ought to be. The letters below her,“ Edited by John Brisben Walker,” are doubtless a great relief to the Almighty. THE PRESIDENT of the Mormon church is eigiaty-nine years old and the man who will succeed him is eighty-two, and both are in good health, We can reconcile this with the retribution theory only through the assumption that death is more fortunate than extreme age, but it is pretty tough argument. ively a saint. Weary WILLIAM—"*Doctor {Great heavens, Fields! wot you need is a THE AUTHOR of the Ohio bill to pull down the theatre-hat parts his hair in the middle, and a woman's club has passed a resolution requesting the Ohio legislature to make a law obliging all men to part their hair at the side. That is mali- cious frivolity, and it indicates that the club in question doesn’t know the difference between a harmless private privilege and a serious public nui- sance. No; the woman must not vote. She is narrow in her views, and comprehensive in nothing but her theatre-hat. SKIP, MR. FLOWER! E TOLD Roswell P. Flower some time since that if he didn’t hide himself in the bowels of the earth the Democratic party would get its nomination-noose about his neck in spite of himself; and here comes the Albany Argus with a long, double-leaded article favoring him as its candidaté and the article is doubtless the result of a suggestion by Sen- ator Hill. Let Mr. Flower start for Europe at once or he’s a lost man, We tell him that Whitney, Morrison, Kussell and Cleveland are trying hard to shift the danger. HOORAY! HE SHIRT-WAIST and the apple-blossoms come together, and man and nature are at peace one with the other, The winter is gone; and the sun and the shirt-waist, the birds and the bees proclaim that there shall be warmth and beauty as far hence as it is worth while to look. We are told that the peach-buds are dead and there shall be such a total ab- sence of crops next winter that we shall all starve to death; but who cares? It is along time to that melancholy period, and meanwhile there shall be balmy breezes and the shirt-waist in the abundance sufficient for a conflagration. comicbooks.com