Judge — April 4, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sage GOOD TIME COMIN’. IVERS all a-breakin’ up, ice a-goin’ out, No use for winter no more ; ‘Steamboat firin’ up, swing herself about, Darkey stan’ a-watchin’ from the shore. A GREAT_ADVERTISING SCHEM! Blackbird a-cacklin’ up in the trees, No use for winter no more ; Green grass a-pokin’ up, ain't afraid to freeze, Warm rain a-comin’ down to pour South wind a-whisperin’, liftin’ up yer hair, No use for winter no mot Sunshine a-beamin’ down, goin’ to git a share ; Nigger snoozin’ on the cellar-door. Jone L jones, AN IMPOR- TANT POINT. oe ENTLE- G MEN,” re- marked Sultan Ab- dul Hamid to the assembled ambas- sadors of the great powers, “in addi- tion to the reasons which I have pre- sented why there should be no dis- memberment of the ‘Turkish empire there is another, which you must all admit is a very weighty one.” “ Will your majesty deign to mention it?” asked the English ambassador. RIP Il. I GOT into a cable-car at the navy-yard and sat down by a drunken man. Presently an elder- ly lady and her daughter, both dressed in black, came in, and the daugh- ter sat down between the drunken man and her mother. The car began to lurch along, as cars do on a slack cable, and in a lit- tle while rocked the man to sleep; and when we got in among the curves AN APRIL- FOOL WATERLOO. Broker (nonchalantly removing brick and kicking the hat)—"* Here's luck' I've been looking for a brick for my office-door for some time.” (Zablean Dolied he fone.) and reverse curves down by the capitol the drunken man laid himself affectionately across the young lady's lap, ‘The elderly lady, to prevent a repetition of this embarrassing performance. exchanged places with her daughter, the car swung round to the long tangent on Pennsylvania avenue, and the drunken man, leaning on my shoulder, slept like a policeman, When we found the next curve, up near the white- house. my neighbor awoke, looked long and ecar- nestly at the elderly lady, then at the car and the people around him, and asked, * How long you been here?” “About thirty minutes.” said I. “ Reckon | must be here “bout thirty year. Do AFTER THE BRIDGE DISASTER. Orricex (as he putls Colonel Bloodgood of Ken- tucky from the water}—"*Are you seriously injured, colonel?” COLONEL B1coDGOoD—' a pahticle, suh. I didn't swallow a mouthful of it.” “Tt is the fact that in the event of a distribution of Turkish territory among other countries new editions of school geographies with revised maps would be re- quired immediately. Do you imagine that the parents of school-children all over the world will submit to such a thing This point had not been brought before the am- bassadors before. They saw its importance at once and hastened to wire the newest feature of the Turkish problem to their respective governments. WILLIAM MeNRY SIUTTRR, EMBARRASSING. Little Ferdinand— \ saw you kiss sister Alethea just now, Mr. Dusnap. Dusnap (embarrassed) —" W-well, here is a quar- ter for you if you won't tell anybody.” you know,” he went on, lean- ing over my way and glanc- ing at the others in the car, as though what he was about to say was meant for me alone; “do you know, when I went—went to sleep th’ lady at my right—th' lady in th’ black dress at_my_ right— wa'n't over twenty years old, and now "— glancing again at the elderly lady —“ now she's fifty ef she’s a min- ute.” Cy WARMAN, EVERY INDUCEMENT. Warden (of penitentiary) —* This new convict, num- ber 41,144, gave me some impudence when we received him ‘in the office a few minutes ago. Make haste and photograph him and then send him to the dark cell for Give him nothing but bread-and-water during Prison photographer (briskly)—"All right, sir. (To convict)—Look pleasant, please. T OFTEN happens that when a man has an inborn ambition to become a great conqueror he finds it nec- essary to stir up his own row, Little Ferdinand (contemptuously)—"A quarter! 1 got fifty cents last night for not telling on Mr. Bertwhistle.” IDENTIFYING THE “ THEY.” Twynn — They tell me that Wilberforce is a very fine singer. Triplett—"Why do you use the plural pro- noun in quoting what Wilberforce says?” comichooks.com