Judge — March 21, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

188 LOOKING FOR INFORMATION Mrs. Fincirs (to individual who hus been watching her house for an hour)—' Weary Wra dog. bull-dog'; an" ¥s—"" T want infermation, mum, A RISING MARKET. ¢¢] WISH Td bought an umbrella yesterday before this rain began,” said Skidmore as he watched the downfall from his office- window. Can't you buy one yet?” asked Kilduff. “Yes; but umbrellas are up to-day.” WHY HE WASN’T THERE. Mrs. Cobvigger—"\ didn’t see your hus- band in the parade, Mrs. O'Brien. How was that?" Mrs. O Brien—* Shure, Oi cudn’t kape him in th’ house on Saint Pathrick’s ave.” MAKING PROGRESS. Aliss Young (enthusiastically)—" Oh, Miss Timer is so lovely, so intellectual! Not in her first youth, you know, but "— Miss Stager—" No; but from what I have learned about her I should think she must be well on in her second childhood.” in, suthin’ seemed ter whisper ter me. ‘Angel-cake, angel-cake,’ come right in; but ef it's angel-cake say so, an’ U'll move right on.” FROM A NOVEL. REVENGE Uncie Crusty (driven to distraction)—"Ah, Willie, that’s a nice big drum your mamma gave you for your birthd. and it makes a nice big noise. Now Vil give you this silver dollar if you ll find out where the noise comes from.” “A feeling of security came over him.” IS SWEET. MIXED. AN EDINBURGH minister preached one Sunday in a coun- try church. At noon the elder heard one old woman say to another, “ Hoo liket ye the ser- mon to-day?” “Vera weel; but I didna ken til noo thot Sodom and Gomarrah wasna mon and wife.” The elder told the parson, who was so tickled that he told the story at his next din ner-party. A simper- ing young woman commented, “ Oh, well, I suppose they ought to have been if they were no! Do you want anything 2” SAD. jes’ er I got in front wv yer house suthin’ seemed ter whisper ter me, * Bull. a j Now ef it’s bull-dog, lady, say so, an’ I'll Mr. Oldboy —"1 understand, Miss Reckless, that you intend learning to ride the bicycle?” Miss. Reckless—* Yes, Mr. Oldboy; [am thinking of it. The bicycle is a noble machine— don’t you think so? Its coming has taught peo- ple so much of the value of exercise—of the delights of spinning along fresh country roads, and—and Mr. Oldboy—" And it bas been the cause of many an untimely death, Miss Reckless. I con- sider that the advent of the bicycle was a case of come wheel come woe.” A SERMON. [TIS best to remember when starting out, Pat, That the greatest of pleasure can only be found By keeping the brick-bat away from your hat And by letting your coat never trail on the ground, THE BARGAIN-COUNTER CHARM, 66] CAN'T understand why that young Sap- hed is so popular with the ladies.” “Did you never observe how cheap he looks?” Wittie’s moniter (fem minutes later)" So you burst in the head ot your nice new drum to find out where the Uncie Crusty (to himself) — slipper on the kid.” ise came from, did you?” (Whack, whack!) Ma, ha! A’quietus on the drum and a