Judge — March 21, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

udge 487 A CLOSE FIT, MARJORIE’S POSER. MA®0RIE had been tak- en to visit a school for the deaf and dumb. With open-eyed astonishment she had watched them converse with their fingers. Return- ing home, her questions were so numerous that at last her mother said, " Marjorie, the deaf and dumb can do everything that we can do except hear or talk with their mouths. Now do stop asking questions.” “ But, mamma,” said the child gravely, “ just one more. How do they ever talk with their fingers in the dark?” scp ne FOUND AT LAST. Ted—" There's the green above the red for you.” Ned —" Where?” Ted—* That red-headed Irishman with the shamrock in his hat.” ‘PAIR AND ABOVE-BOARD. AN EXTRACT FROM NORA’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY. IT WOR ot McCracken’s dhance yistidy noight an’ Oi hod a turble toime. Oi wor fin’ an’ troyin’t’ be dacint, whin Fratz th’ bootcher sez, * Phwat a’ open countinince she hov!” Oi gove him a luk av suprame contimpt an’ closhed me hid. Thin he comes in wid a pitcher in bot’ hands an’ a glash in th’ uther, an’ sez he," Will yez hov beer er wather, Mish Murphy ?” “ Beer,” sez Oi, an’ he gove me wather ! Immajetly afther he sez t' Murty Clancy, “ Thot crok'ry bootcher musht be a darther av Tippoo Tip’s.” “ How ?” sez Clancy. ‘ Whoy, can’t yez say she hov a cinch on th’ oivry markhit?” Raly, Oi did be thinkin’ he wor referrin’ t' me tathe, an’ Oi felt dangurshly woondid. So Oi tuk off me Oxford an’ wint agin him. But Big Larry, th’ pllacemon, shteps in an’ sez he,“* Lave him t’ his conschince an’ me, Mish Murphy.” O/'ll lave him t’ yersilf, Larry,” sez Oi. Whin Larry wint bhack ' bis bate Fratz wor gittin’ fecaytious agin, so, thinkin’ t crush him wid wan bblow, sez Oi,“ Mishter Fratz, is th’ cabbish th’ nashnal flour av Gurminy 2” ~ Vis,” sez he; an’ Oi didn’t know phware t’ put me hid. Thin he squeedged me arrum an’ sez he, “ Phwat do be makin’ th’ Atlanthic say s'grane ?" Oi luked shtraight ferninst me. “So minny Oirish comin’ over!" sez he. An’ me heart wor fit t’ busht, an’ Oi wint home wid th’ shtrate-car. PREJUDICED. Knowitsso—" Why have you discarded the Darwinian theory?” New woman—'The men seem to know so much less than their presumed ancestors.”” EDWARD CLAYTON SAVAGE. —as | can weil testify,” REVELATION. AN AUTHOR has no idea of the volume of his literary productions until the publica- tion of his manuscripts after his death, SPOILING FOR A FIGHT. Judge —" This man says you assaulted him, Pat. Did he tread on the tail of your coat?” Pat —* No, yer honer.” Judge —" Then what made you hit him ?” Pat—" Bekase he didn't trid on it, be jabers !* WHAT'S THE ANSWER? Mr. Tif—"1 want to ask ‘one question, my dear, since you are so deeply interested in the emancipation of woman.” Sa Mrs. Tiff" Go on.” CR | Mr. Tiff —"In the news- A THOROUGH-BRED ECONOMIST. Paper of the fatare wil the mar CONEN (sho has reluctantly dropped in a nickel)—"Ain'd dot Gilmore's bandt lofely, R-rebecca ?” riage-notices be put on the men’s THe ATTENDANT — “ Sufferin’ camels ! ef he ain't even rung in ther twins.” page?” comicooks com}