Judge — March 7, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN ABSTRUSE SCROLL. ER face is like an unrolled scroll, Say those who've read it and are versed, Where chosen secrets of her soul As herald’s tidings are rehearsed. ‘With Greek and Coptic I am free, And, as a scholar, much suspect (It so completely bafiles me) The scroll is in a dialect. SAME THING. $6] OOK here! did you say I was a liar?” demanded the angry man. “Calm yourself, sir, What I said was that you had mistaken your voca- tion. You ought to have been a dip- lomat.” PROBABLY UNINTEN- TIONAL. First architect —" Some one ought to remonstrate with Romanesky.” Second architect—" What has he been doing?” First architect —“ Violating the ethics of the profession. I see on this plan he calls a door-step a door-step.” AMATEUR THEATRICALS.- S46] WILL have my revenge!” howled the villain. “Yes, sir,” faltered Cholly Ribbons, who had forgotten his lines and was try- ing to fake, “Er—anything else this evening?” TENDER. +4 FOR a feast of reason, what is your favorite dish?” “ Love-verses, me boy.” PREFERRED THE OTHER PLACE. St. Peter—" Walk right in.” Mr. Lincoln Park (from Chicago)— “One minute, please. Have you a lady in there named Mrs. L. Park?” St. Peter—" Yes,” Mr, Lincoln Park —“And another named Mrs. Westside, née Park?” St. Peter— Yes, yes!" Mr. Lincoin Park ‘hanks. 1 think I'll go below. There’s only one of her left for that place.” ABe—*' De fowls am dar, Mose, but dey doan’ ‘pear toe be enny way ob gittin’ 'em out.” AN ADVANTAGEOUS HABILIMENT. SixruL Stocum (alighting safely)—"' I'm glad I swiped dese bloomers, arter all. ter reg'lar pants ter cover de loss o° haf er yard 0° clot’ dat a dorg approperates.”” A SACRIFICIAL PLOTTER. First SELECTMAN (angrily)—" Say, you confounded cub! what do you mean by hangin’ round th’ pest-house when there's smallpox in thar? ‘Yell me!” Tommy Jones (doggedly)—"* Ter git it an’ give it ter me sis- ter, who'd give it ter de school-marm, who'd give it ter de school- master, who'd be laid up wid it. revengin’ me fer de floggin’ I got dis mornin’ an’ givin’ me a skatin’ vacashun ter boot.” NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION. Dere hain’t no nateral folds WHAT ELSE, INDEED? E KISSED her, and what in the world could she do? The féte was a ball, the guests not a few, And the flower-lined aisle seemed cool and dim When she stole away téte-A-tte with him ; But the heavy fragrance had turned his head, She felt quite sure, from things he said, He kissed her, too—and what could she do? The least little scream or just one loud word Would float out to the ball-room and surely be heard, . And some of the dancers might come right in, Besides—was it really much of a sin? ‘Tis plain that you know how it must have been ‘That he kissed her; but what in the world could she do? Why, nothing at all, but just kiss him too. T leave it to you— Whaat else could she do? ©. © ROTTINGHAM. A WIFE’S PET FICTION. 46] DIDN'T care a bit, but John was Ase—"' Dat's a mighty fine idee ob yourn, Mose.” comicbooks.com