Judge — February 29, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Suape 4187 WOULDN’T HAVE ONE—EVEN AT A BARGAIN. A BACHELOR who has spent his life in New York had business in one of the leading dry-goods establishments lately for the first time. He said,“ When I was coming down the stairs I stopped and looked at the throng of women. It was all confusion. They pushed each other; crowded to get a look at the same thing; spent their money as if it were a thing of no value.” “Did you fall in love with any of the pretty ladies?” said the per- ‘son to whom he was speaking. “Fall in love? No, indeed. I stood there and thanked the Lord that not one of ‘em belonged to me.” RECOGNIZED AT ONCE. A MUSICIAN was stranded in a city and applied for help to a rich man who attended his concert the night before. “I should like a small raise, sir,” he remarked. “ What's the matter?” “Why, sir, you see I want to leave town and I have no funds. I am only a poor musi- cian, sir, and "—— “Oh, ah—yes, yes; Tunderstand. I heard you play last night.” HE GOT IT. Horer-cierk (who has noticed rice j] in Alkali Ike's hair)—"* Hum ! the bridal- Jf ¥ chamber, I presume?” i ALKALI Ike (drawing his gun)— “Looky here, pard! I'm a cowboy all right, but [ hain't a-sleepin’ in no stable on me weddin'-night. Gimme th’ best room in th’ house, with nary a bridle, sad- dle er lariat in it.” LOCATED AT LAST. A COLORED parson was addressing a boys’ mission-school in the city where he was visiting. He spoke of Africa and its gradual awakening to Christianity. Warming to his subject, his words increased in length and swiftness of utterance. “Ttell yo’, chilluns, de internationals ob Africa hain’t bin exploded yit; but de time am mos’ cum when de Lawd ‘ll knock at de do’s, an’ den de word ‘ Christian’ ‘ll be written in flamin’ red fire all ober de face ob ebery man, ‘oman an’ chile in dat coal-brack country—Africa !* He paused to mop his face, when a small voice rang out, “ Please, mister, dat’s whar hell am gwine toc be, ain't it?” FIGURING IT OUT. Emily—"1 think Gus and I would have made an ideal couple; but, then, he had no money and that didn’t suit papa. Ob, well, I may be happy with Harry, What are the odds, anyway ?” Sophie— About one to ten; I should say.” COMPOSITE DRAWING OF AMERICA’S GREAT HEIRESS. | used to be a great shot when I was a boy. Now—— —watch me hit this sign plump in the — HE DID IT.