Judge — February 29, 1896 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES, IRENE PERRY IN “* EXCELSIOR, JR. You sing the song of Uncle Sam,— 1'd gladly sing of you: But maybe you don’t Care—ahem !— ‘What your admirers do. Suffice it then to say, we've seen, THE HIGH ORDER OP CHINESE INTELLI- GENCE. AH CHOY is a very young Chinese boy, surely not more than ten, although he will tell you twelve. When he came to us he knew but two English sentences. The first was, “T’ank you,” and the other, “ Shut-te do-o-or !” When he had been with us three days he had acquired an- other," Too muchee workee !”” We dragged on a weary existence with him for some weeks. There were some things about him which gave promise, and it was easier to struggle on with Ah Choy than to begin on another boy. We bore with dirt, poor cook- ing and non-communication with the outside world — if people left cards he hid them in books and letters as the simplest way of disposing of them—and many other things, but what finally undermined our happiness was his strict interpretation of our orders. One morning I unluckily used the stove as an ilustra- A GOOD THING, ‘Weary Witin—"' Why is it dat fellers ‘Il spend deir gooc money ter git cured uv de rum hal . Chauncey? And you have conquered, belie Irene! tion when I was directing A SCHOOL-BOY'S DEFINITION. Scnoot.- MAsTER — "* Robert, what were the peculiarities of costume in George Washington's day?” Ronert —"*Cocked- hats, knicker- bockers, pumps and smart buckies.”” SCHOOL - MASTER —" Thomas, what were * smart-buckles’?” THomas—"' The ones George's father socked him with fer cuttin’ down his cher- ry-tree, sir.” QUASI-PENITENT. WANT a little casket, With hasp and lock and key, To hide a little treasure ‘That's very dear to me. My sweetest sin ‘'s the idol I seek to put away, But I will not resign it Forever and for aye I want it kept securely— I'm quasi-penitent, And I'll be very likely To claim it—after Lent. SUSE a. pest, FRIDAY Aas forty-fourth verses,’ does yo'?" neither an old man nor a little boy raph an has ever “been asleep.” Cuaprep Cuauncey—" W'y, it's a matter uv economy, Willie, After yer cured uv de rum habit by dat bi-chloride uv gold him how it don't take but half ez much booze ter git yer drunk ez it did to black before.” boots. “Shine all same stove,” was my explanation as to the final appearance the shoes would present. And when the master of the house got his boots they shone like the stove, verily, for they were polished with stove-blacking. And so with everything. Nevertheless it was only to save our lives and home that we finally gave up his education. I took him into the master’s den one evening and showed him a student-lamp on the lower shelf of a closet attached. We were about to use it. I carefully explained the circumistances, “See, Ah Choy; you clean him, then light him and bring him back.” No one was in the den when he returned. Shortly afterward I smelled smoke and rushed to investigate. That wretched celestial had cleaned and lighted the lamp as directed, and also, in literal obedience, had brought it back to the closet-shelf and shut the door upon it. As we cleared up the débris the master said firmly, “The Chinese must go.” And Ah Choy went, clasping his wages and weeping. MADGH KOMECTSON, OBEYED THE CALL. MONDAY EVENING, Parson Jounson — ‘So yo" wishes me toe take fo" ACCORDING to his own statement, mah tex’, Sunday,* Numbers, fourth chapter, eleventh an’ ‘Mr. SLick—‘* Them coons couldn't resist that *com- bination’ of 4-11-44. The congregation responded with Yes, “I would be deeply interested their ‘dough toa man." (Flys the cop.) in your interpretation, Here's five dollars for you.” comicbooks.com