Judge — February 22, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TRAINING OF CaTSs. NE day Kittycat walked into the dining -room and, finding the table-cover hanging in her way, began PLANE TO BE SEEN. to execute some fine drawn- work upon it with her sharp finger-nails. ‘The poet saw the destruction from his corner and, snatching up Kittycat, he gave her a shake and dropped her none too gently into a cushioned chair. Kittycat lay like a wounded creature, hatching mischief undoubt- edly and looking wicked things from the corners of her yellow eyes; then, finding the poet returned to his book, and watching her oppor- tunity, she bounded from her chair to the floor, gave the table-cloth a vicious grab and, throwing at the poet a triumphant glance, sped from ait 1. HE HAD SAND, Mr. Jounson (indignantly, as he throws sand on the tobogpan-course) —"‘Ostrichsize me frum yo'r club, will yo'? Man ain’ got no san’ dat carries a raisah, ain’ he? (Retreating.) Yo'll git san’ when yo’ runs agin mah— MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND THE WEDDING. ANYBODY would have thought, to have seen George Holliday at Amy Tarte’s weddin’, that it was his weddin’ instead of hers an’ Joel Hanson's, he made himself so very offichus. Still I will say fer George that he is a good hand fer these occashuns. Him an’ me stood up with ‘em, an’ they wanted Bob an’ his in- tended; but she, bein’ a widder, couldn't officiate. Everything went off all right. Of.course their livin’ over an un- dertaker made things a little creepy, but Mr. Coffin lowered the shades. When I first got there (ma ‘d been there all day helpin’) Amy fell ‘on my neck an’ bust inter tears. She always was rather highstericky. I think them spells come from tight lacin’. I laced fer a while, but quit it ‘cause it made my nose red.“ Mary Ellen,” she says, “my back looks like a letter s.” Sure enough, somebody 'd hooked her up crookid. Well, 1 went at her an’ straightened her up. Th’ lace on her dress wasn’t real, but it fit her lovely. ‘When the minister asked Joel if he'd “take Amy t’ be his wedded wife” he answered right up, “Yes, sir,” instead of “I will.” Must ‘a’ got rattled, I suppose; but I guess it was bindin’, fer th’ minister went right on, ‘At supper I eat a good deal—them flummeries ‘t comes on weddin'-cakes is so delicious; an’ George whispered t’ me," We'll take a bakery on th’ way home,” an’ I kicked his shin under th’ table. All th’ weddin'-trip they took was a carridge-ride t’ their flat in Harlem. Th’ electric boys ‘t Joel works with sneaked about twenty pounds of lead inter his gripsack, an’ he knocked his plug hat off int’ th’ mud gettin’ int’ th’ carridge; but he got th’ laugh on us after all, for he labeled th’ hired girl's trunk “Mr. an’ Mrs. Joel Hanson,” an’ we nailed it full o’ white ribbons an’ ol slippers, an’ when th’ hackman brought theirs down it was as plain as mud. Th’ last we saw of ‘em he was holdin’ his muddy hat out of th’ window, catchin’ — raisah !" rice, MADELINE ORVIS, DREADFUL. Little inquisitive— Say, pa, why do they call money *dough’?” Wise parent— Oh, | don’t know ; perhaps because it’s always kneaded—n-e-e-d- e-d, I mean. See? I'll have to tell that to your mother.” WHAT THE CAT DID. SOV HY are you crying, ANOTHER VERSION. W niece ae GroxGe WASHINGTON, SR.—"* No, my noble son; being caught in the act you could not lie. (Crack /) I must now make my favorite cherry-tree go as a “Oh, m-mamma, th’ c-cat birch.” (Swish ! crack! crack! ete.) ‘aS IT IS SPOKE.” “Do yer study grammer?” shooted her paws off at me!” ** Naw; I done got t'rough grammer.”