Judge — January 4, 1896 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HOW A MAN QUIETS A BABY. ANY articles appear in newspapers of the present day minutely de- scribing the peculiar methods used by women to pacify cross children. Not long ago I had occasion to observe the way a man quiets a baby. For the benefit of those who are looking for something unique under the sun, I took down in my note-book a record of the plan. It was on a crowded railroad train. The man was young, dark, hand- some and manly-looking. The baby and her mamma had just come in the car, and she kept crying and trying to reach the door to go back to “papa.” She could only toddle unsteadily down the aisle. Her mother could do nothing with her. The old ladies could do nothing to soothe her. She would not so much as look at the young women, who offered all man- ner of inducements. ‘The young man tried to win her to him, but she ignored his pleasant advances. He turned away until her outcries and frantic struggles be- came distracting to the young mother as well as to other passengers. Then he stretched out his hands, took the kicking, squalling infant, folded her in his arms and uttered the following monologue : “Come here, little one, come. Are you afraid of me? Don’t be afraid of me. I won't hurt you. Oh, no! I won't hurt you. Just look out at the river! See the water in the river ?. Look out there at'the river. Did you ever see a river? Did you ever see the Kansas river? That is the Kansas river, Did you ever see water in a river? See the water in this river—and the sand in the river—and the boats on the river—and the birds flying over the river—and everything! and the man and the boats and the birds and the flowers and the grass and the trees and the boats and everything—and the river—iust see the river!" HIS DEDUCTION, How far you vas got in your ritmetic, Jakey ?" Jax addition.” Mr. Einstein —"' Vell, here vas an exampul. Fer instance, if I gif two tollars to von man, unt tree tollars to anudder man, vat would dot be ?* JakrY—" Dot would be insanity, fader.” For a moment the baby’s face wore a look of astonishment, then brightened and turned toward the landscape with wondering eyes. Sud- denly the tears returned and the wail was renewed. The young man’s admonitions were continued. “ Now—now—don't cry! Won't you tell me what your name is? What is your name, ch? What is your name, dear? What is your name, eh? eh? eh? eh? Say,eh? What is your, name? Where are you going? Won't you tell me where you are going ? Say, do you know where you are going? And won't you tell me where you are going? May I go with you? Eh? May I go with you? Say, say, may I go with you? Dare I go with you? Dare I,eh? Who am 1? Do you know whol am? WhoamI? AmI? Am1? Eh? Do I look like your papa? Say, do 1? Do I look like your papa? Say, do I look like your papa? Dare I look like your papa? Dare 1? Who is your papa? Am I your papa? Am I your papa? Darel? Say, eh?” ‘The baby's sobs became softer and softer, and she silently looked up at her questioner. “Dare I look at my watch? Dare 1? Say, dare 1? Do I dare to look at my watch to see what time it is? There! That was KNOWLEDGE. Mr. Cynicat—"* Women are a delusion and a snare.” ‘Miss Gusit—"‘It's curious how people will hug a delusion, though." a good girlie, Do you see the watch? Do you hear the watch? Do you hear its ticky-ticky-tick? Its ticky-ticky-ticky-ticky-tick ? Ticky-tick, ticky-ticky-tick? Won't you be a good little girl? Do you like to be a good little'girl? Don’t you dare be a good little girl? Am I a good little girl? Say, am I a good little girl? Dare I be a good little girl? May I put on my glasses? Dare I puton my glasses? Dare I put on my glasses and read my news- paper? Say, dare 1? Dare I put on my glasses? Glasses-glasses- glasses? Gasses-gasses-gasses? Lasses-lasses-lasses ? Go to sleep, little one. Won't you go to sleep? Can't you go to’sleep> Dare you goto sleep? Sleep, little one, sleep, pretty one—sleep. The baby's grievance was forgotten. Her smile grew like the blossoming of bliss. Her breathing took on the sound of angels’ wings. Her soul was sailing toward dreamland. Her face nestled down on the young man’s breast and—she was fast asleep. And that is how a man quiets a baby. care waxrwen Searcy. a il ie ae in sh i NT A “HEART”. BREAKING (POKER) ROMANCE. As he called her to know his fate he convulsively clutched the be.cem-med Little hand—but suddenly his expectant features were frozen into a look of agony. ‘That raking gesture! that remorseless royal flush she so relentlessly displayed, all told him’ soo truly that all was lost. A moment later Reginald Marks wap. dered into the street a broken! man. ot comicbooks.com