Judge, 1895-12-28 · page 4 of 17
Judge — December 28, 1895 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains several satirical pieces typical of late 19th-century American humor: **"To Becky"** is a sentimental poem praising a woman's wit and charm—likely a tribute to someone associated with the magazine. **"Missed It Sadly"** jokes about an American returning from China, lamenting the loss of the "bargain-counter" at Christmas—satirizing American consumerism and the commercialization of the holiday. **"At Christmas-Time"** depicts comic holiday scenes of rowdy behavior and drunkenness. **"Sage Advice"** features two upper-class characters with affected speech discussing Christmas gifts. The joke: Willie advises that a suitable gift depends entirely on the suitor's credit at Tiffany's jewelry store—satirizing how wealth, not genuine affection, determines romantic gestures among the wealthy. **"Up to Snuff"** and **"Not to Be Fooled Twice"** show street-level comedy involving working-class characters in various predicaments. The page emphasizes Judge's dual focus: mocking both genteel pretension and working-class foolishness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TO BECKY. G TLE maiden, young and tender, Did some fairy sprite surrender Unto thee the power that lies In thy gray and laughing eyes? Did some goblin priest of laughter Touch thy lips, that ever after Mirth should play at hide-and-seek About thy mouth and dimpled check ? Did some hand with fire divine ‘Temper that fine wit of thine, And in thy soul's garden set Sprays of mental mignonette— Fragrant blooms, exhaling each Sweetness in thy sparkling speech ? Oft when bearded wits, ungrammared, Into me their jokes have hammered T have longed for dainty quips From Rebecca's laughing lips— Laughing lips that never carry Any burt with thrust or parry— Just a mirthful tang and fizz, Telling where wit's fountain is. Care may cark !—to save his neck he Cannot pierce the soul of Becky ; Nor shall any dolorous comer Enter where she maketh summer, MS TouRR, MISSED IT SADLY. Se WWHAT feature of the American Christmas did you miss the most over in China?” “Um—let me see. Ob, I guess it must have been the bargain-counter.” AT CHRISTMAS-TIME. S UCH troubles this life ever flow through UP TO SNUFF. Mrs. PuxrLetop—" Law sakes, Hezekiah! what on airth dew yew A COMMON PREDICA- MENT. Y EARNINGS they are moderate, Below my just deserving ; ‘And when my debts | contemplate, The process is unnerving. My yearnings are of Cyclop size And labyrinthine turnings. Ob, would that I could equalize My earnings and my yearnings! JOHN CoADUY GREGORY. SAGE ADVICE. SS\JILLIE, deah boy, advise WwW me.” FS “At your service, Awthaw. * What's the cowect thing faw a Christmas gift, ye know?” “Why, Awthaw, that depends on who you're pwesenting it to. deah chap.” “Why, then, Willie, IIL be can- did with you I's Miss Gotroks, ye “Why, then, Awthaw, it all depends upon what your inten- tions are, ye know. * Why, then, old man, they are sewious, I assuah you.” “Why, then, Awthaw, it all depends on how your cwedit stands at Tiffany's, ye know. Are you good faw a thousand, now?” “*Pon me honah, no; nor faw a hundwed.” (The danger there is no use hooding) SUPPose that is?” “ Then, Awthaw, I should ad- ; : FarMek Purpietor— ‘'1 wouldn't take my solemn oath on it, Perse- ice yy, vahg The size of thenightmare you'll gothrough —_yerance. but I calkerlate it’s one o' them ere new Weain that the newspaper Vise bwain-fevah and bed till aftah Depends‘on the size of the pudding. tew hum hez been talkin’ about” the holidays, ye know.” Correr—" That feller looks pretty down in the mouth.— (Ten minutes later) —* That fellow looks as if he was goin’ ter shoot himself, but I guess his gun ain't loaded.” —Here, quit that !- ~By gum! headache medicine.”” NOT TO BE FOOLED TWICE. comicbooks.com