Judge — December 21, 1895 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A GRIEVANCE, he is awfully mean—I told her a secret on condition that she wouldn't tell it, and she didn't. HIS CHRISTMAS GIFT. 425 FROM JENNY’S DIARY. UR pump froze up. We had to get water from the barn. Bridget didn’t turn it off tight enough, and that froze up too. Pa said, “ Just like a woman!” Then he was cross to ma. Ma she kept quiet. I would have talked back if I had been grown up like ma. Ma always keeps still when pa scolds. We children didn’t make any noise when we played. By-and-by the pump took a long breath, just like it was gasping, and ma went quick and pumped. ‘The water came splendidly. Pa was real cheerful when he came home, looking at the pump. Ma smiled and talked just like herself to pa. Bridget sang. “ Little drops of water” and we children made our usual racket. 1 bate to have pumps freeze up. LL Jones, WHAT can I offer her, my sweet? What's fair enough ; what is most meet For love to take or give— A smile, a kiss, a tender touch? I fear I dare not proffer such And hope to live. And since I cannot gain or get Jewel or gem or coronet— Gauds that might please her well— Must this fair season come and go And bring her naught my love to show, ‘Tis passing strange a man should be Despised of love, forsooth, if he Be not possessed, alas t Of worldly goods a noted store— That what he is should not be more Than, what he has, Nay, to such creed I'll ne'er subscribe ; The love worth winning needs no bribe. So, scorning sordid pelf, I'll offer her, as lover brave, ‘The best, the only thing I have, ‘My dream to tell? And that's—myself. Mes auioces. . NATURALLY ELATED. Miriam —* Oh, Ferdy ! you know those rice picture-frames and worsted mot- toes and horseshoe paper-weights that I made, and whith I took to the church-sale at your suggestion 2” Ferdinand (hopetully)—" They were all sold, dear?” Miriam (clatedly)—" Yes! The auctioneer, such a nice man, described them so beautifully, and they looked so utterly lovely and too sweet for anything, that I just bought every last one of them back again myself !” Faraur BiGosi (to Miss Biker)—"* Well, U'll be gol-durned | I knowed you city doods wus big babies, but J swan ef T tho't one ‘ud cry like a gal ef he tore bis breeches I" JUDGED BY APPEARANCES. Sur —“* Every family has'a skeleton in it, and ours is no excep He —" Er—so—I see.” JUDGMENTS. HOW readily, after all, sheir follies occur to us. War is all wrong. the muskets kick. Men are not all bad. Some men cannot even cry without making somebody laugh. There are men who try to idolize their wives, on the theory that a man should be divorced from his idols. ! Speaking of flood-tide, pub- | lic sentiment is always willing to dam the mouth of the pugilist. 3M. macktey. A WARNING. Mrs. Grady (to saleslady) i'm t’ attind a dhriss-ball, an’ Oi'll take a luke at some av yure chaze-clot’s in ordher t’ pick out goods fer a dhriss.” Mr. Grady (in a horrified whisper) —“ Rimimber, Ellen Grady, ‘tis th’ Hoibernians’ ball yer goin’ to, an’ if ye pick out any chaze-clot’ thot's been wropped about limburger ye'll attind widout me.” Even Just attempt to sell a man “his choice” between two articles, and see how quick you will sell neither. Comicboo