Judge — December 21, 1895 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wudge. W. J. Anwene. 1. M. Gu Buxxnaeo Gitcam. Editor PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONITRD STATES AND CANADA IN’ ADVANCE One copy, one year. or s3 numbers - $5.0 \ One copy: six months. or 26 numbers - 2.56 Je One copy. for thirteen weeks - 1235 a Including the Cumistwas Jvoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt foreign countrics in the postal union, $0.00.a year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupcE BUILDING), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. (We guarantee advertiters a larger circulation than any other American satire cal paper published. and Jupce’s Quawtmmty are all for 1 th, Ainslee & Co.,25 Newcastle itreet, Strand, Le ms Building. Chancery Lane, E. C: je Interna inden at S bach's News Exchance, tephanstrasse 1& Leipaic, German: Cate nddraw® mal ‘News tseriand (7 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Junce are protected by copy- ght in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be Promptly and vigorously prosecuted, THE SYMPATHY of juries for unfortunate women has ruined many a pretty good man. ANYHOW, the children of the president are not of the right sex to inherit the presidency. oe WE HAVE to thank Minister Terrell for the very best article of vigorous foreign policy. I" IS A FINE indication of human if not divine mercy that the man who wrote “Camille” should have lived so long. MBs. STANTON may not live to com- plete her new bible; and when she dies won't she give fits to the twelve apostles? F IT IS TRUE that Senator Hill is about to be married, we suspect that he has already taken measures to secure a divorce. THE WOMEN of Utah are likely, it is said, to give the state to the Democ- racy. Out of the polygamous fat into the partisan fire. 8+ (CHICAGO in its entirety.” says a Chicago paper, “is practically un- known to Chicagoans themselves.” Well, that’s one comfort, anyhow. dem widin a mile ob dis place R. BOK regrets that authors write too much for money and too little for fame. Now Mr. Bok publishes his periodical on precisely that principle. OCIETY in some portions of Pennsylvania is greatly given to sauer- kraut suppers, and a popular toast is, “The cabbage—it must and shall be preserved.” THE EDITOR of the Buffalo Express cries out against the brutality of foot-ball as played by the girls of Vassar. Good gracious! did one of them hit the ball? HE INTENSE PATRIOTISM of Senator Chandler will presently oblige him to constitute himself a revolution ard bring Canada and Cuba into the union by their several ears MBE BLAND says no power on earth can stop his fight for free silver. Guess he’s mistaken In Savannah recently but one ti lecture on silver was sold, and he didn’t lecture. powerful conservator et to his The box-office is a MB: ROOSEVELT carried the city election for Tammany. ‘That was not his design, but he didn’t “care a rap” He has great influence without being conscious of it, as the man remarked of himself when he had inadvertently bitten off his own ears. And if Mr. Roosevelt cannot be a sachem he ought at least to be a wooden Indian. APPARENT HALLUCINATION. VEMPLE (very mervous)— “nuff mus’ be crazy, kase 1's continooly hearin’ de heabenly * peep. peep’ ob a cheekin, an’ | declar’ dar doan’ ‘pear toe be none ob THEY HAVE TAKEN NEW YORK. OME EXCELLENT FIGHTING for Cuban independence is being done right here. If it is necessary for the rebels to capture some considerable town before they can be recognized as belligerents, we call the attention of the government to New York. The Cubans have captured that and will hold it forevermore. IT IS SNIPPY, ONE AUTHORITY says Sorosis is egotistical, and another that it is altruistic. We know not which is right; but the declaration of still another authority that it is snippy is absolutely correct. We have long looked upon it as the snippiest of all the organizations, and shall not depart from that conclusion if it shall ever be known precisely what snippy is. THE MORALS IN TEXAS. PRIZE-FIGHTING is shocking, and Texas is to be complimented for preventing it within her borders; but the Tomas Cat of Hot Springs, Arkansas, presents the question whether it is worse than burning negroes at the stake, which is quite a popular amusement in the state of the lone star. The question is somewhat malicious, but it is loaded with suggest- iveness. WHERE HER PROTECTION BEGINS. T OUGHT to have occurred to the universal young woman who sues for damages that her best protection lies not in the power of judges and juries, but in her own innocence. Think how much she might have saved by that safeguard—probably a few lives, her own reputation, and the agony of her confession in the wit- ness-box. And what money can pay for all that suffering and humiliation? A MANLY DUKE, THE DUKE says he married Miss Van- derbilt for love, and that he will never touch a penny of her money. The decla- ration is greatly to bis credit; and if it should turn out that he cares more for the money than he intimates that might be a result of financial embarrassment which would be quite excusable. We must-re- member that no duke similarly fortunate has ever before been known to make such a declaration. ROYAL JEALOUSY AND HUMAN LIFE, THE STORY comes to the Chicago Times-Herald {rom Paris that the er has been flirting with Margherita of Italy; that Humbert is jealous in con- sequence, and that this is the cause of the apparent indifference of Italy to the woes of Armenia and the demands of civiliza- tion upon the triple alliance. The story is probably untrue, but if it were true it wouldn't be the first time that hundreds of thousands of lives were sacrificed to the freaks of little persons in large positions. V's not a-dreamin’, but T sho’ THE WICKEDEST MAN. F THE PUBLISHER ofthe dime novel had a moiety of self-respect he would hang himself within five minutes. His victims are murdering. burylaring, wrecking railroad: trains, and committing as much of other crime as lies in their power. The novels have got into schools and col- leges, as well as aniong the naturally ignorant and vicious, and if the youth of to-day does not go to the reformatory he will be saved that pun- ishment that he may go later to the penitentiary. What shall be done with the publishing scoundrel who is responsible for all this wickedness ? BALLOT AND BAYONET. One of the duties of American citizenship should be to do away with the kindergarten ballot and let common intelligence dominate in our politics. Blot out the star, strangle that eagle, sink that ship, dry up that fountain, and give that stro warm arest. This state does nat need emblems. Let its intelligence rule it — Glor ondard. TIS WILL NEVER DO. There must be a ballot as large as a bed- blanket. It must have pretty pictures on it. ‘The citizen must spend two-thirds of his time in study of its intricacies and in rehearsals of the act of depositing it. The box in which it goes must be guarded by the local military organization, assisted whenever necessary by the United States army. It must be protected by bayonets and gunpowder, and the citizen who doesn’t get mental prostration after voting must be shot as if voting were one of the higher crimes. ravisle comicbooks.com