Judge — November 23, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HOW TUE. BLACKVILLE PLAYER BROKE HIS LEG. CAPTAIN JOUNSON (terathily)—"* Whad does yo'r nan mean by kickin’ mah playah in de haid ?” Captain Jackson — cusen him, Cap'n Johnson, de ball, Ez it wuz he cum off purty bad. SAVED BY SKILL, Fancy riper (giving exhibitions in Deadgulch)—* Ding! ding! ding! Look out ! I'm a-scorching.” (Biff) ALKatt Ike. (in mid air—erack—crack)—"* Vl scorch yer, yer measly coy- ote.” (Thud. Fancy rider escapes by sprinting off on one wheel before Alkali Ike gathers himself up.) THE MEDICAL EXAMINER. THis is the usual experience of the man in perfect physical condition who makes application for a life insurance-policy : Medical examiner—" How old are you?” Applicant — Twenty-five.” Medical examiner— "Um! Most critical period of life. Habits not May go to the dogs any time. Now, if you were twenty years older we might—but that can’t be helped now. Have to make the best of it, Bad! Bad! Well, do you drink >” Applicant — \ have never tasted a drop of any kind of liquor.” Medical examiner—“ No? Bad stom the irritating influence of alcohol formed. no doubt. Can't stand With such a stomach. I suppose the heart is not as strong as it might be. Do you smoke or chew tobacco ?” Applicant—"1 never used tobacco in any form.” Medical examiner—" Of course. It is just as I supposed. Your heart is too weak for tobacco, Bad stomach, weak heart--the usual com- bination, Bad! Ver-y bad! Have you ever had pneumonia?" Applicant Never had a cold of any kind since I w: baby.” Medical examiner —* Certainly not. It would be remarkable if it were otherwise. A man with your bad stomach and weak heart must stay in the house nearly ail the time and take extraordinary care of him- self, Sad case, indeed. Bad stomach, weak heart, life spent in-doors— well, have you had any of these diseases?" (Names fort: Applicant —" Never had a touch of any of them, Medical examiner —"| dare say you did not. With all the complaints to which you have confessed, you could not very well have any more and Yo'r man’s haid was stickin’ out ob de melee an’ mah man nachully dun t’ought it wuz be living. © I don’t want to discourage you, but I really think—anyhow I will lay your case before our medical board and you will be informed of the result. Poor fellow! Good-day.” Ww. tL KloRDOM, A SURE SIGN. THEIRS was a secret marriage, but the secret wouldn't keep, Although they tried it carefully to cover, For some one heard them quarreling, and saw the lady weep, Before a little fortnight had passed over. NEVER HAD BEEN, EITHER. * SQUIRE WHITE was very ill with fever, and at the crisis was reported dead, though, instead, he lived through it. Uncle Josh, meeting a neighbor of the ‘squire’s the next morning, inquired with due solemnity when the funeral was to be." “The ‘squire’s funeral? Why, he isn’t dead !" “ What !" exclaimed Uncle Josh. ‘ He ain't dead? Nor hain’t HE WAS HIRED. Mr. Unperwarre, —"*So you want_a job driving sne of my coat teams, Are you a saving man in your way?” BiG Vaxtev (signtficantly)—" Well, I'd be a savin’ ncn in your weigh boss. 1 weighs over two hunnerd an’ fift eh? comicbooks.com