Judge, 1895-11-02 · page 7 of 16
Judge — November 2, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains several satirical pieces mocking early 1900s society and manners: **"A Careful Narrator"** jokes about pedantic correction—a grandfather insists on precise language when recounting being killed (but not eaten) by cannibals, preaching accuracy to his granddaughter. **"The Degenerate Novelist"** criticizes overly dark, morbid fiction writers who see beauty only as depressing rather than uplifting. **"The Army in 1900"** satirizes women entering military service—a female orderly requests breakfast in bed for a sick soldier, mocking the incongruity of women in supposedly "tough" military roles. **"Scriptural"** and **"He Knows Now"** feature working-class Irish characters (identified by dialect) discussing consumer goods and labor strikes. **"Justice with Both Eyes Open"** presents two courtroom scenes where judges discharge an actor for vagrancy but convict another for "lying" about being an actor—satirizing inconsistent judicial logic. Overall, the page reflects period anxieties about social change, women's roles, immigration, and labor movements.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CAREFUL NARRATOR. Erne randpa, please tell me the story again about the time you were killed and eaten by the cannibals.” Graxppa—" You mean about the time I was killed by the cannibals, Ethel. They didn’t eat me, for if they had how would I be here to tell you about it? You should always be care- ful about details, Ethel, if you want to be respected in this world.” THE DEGENERATE NOVELIST. BENEATH a sheltering pseudonym He writes those grisly tales and grim, ‘That sicken and depress ; A primrose by a river's brim A yellow aster is to him, And it is nothing less. cw. THE ARMY IN _ 1go0. HE trim young female orderly approached the captainess and saluted. The officer returned the salute. The orderly spoke, “ Mad- am, Private Edith Netting has a headache this morning and would like to have her breakfast in bed.” Suage SCRIPTURAL. TWO MATRONS IN THIRD- AVENUE CAR. Mrs. S.—*Say, Moll, dul yer hear ‘Liza Ann ’s gota bull new soot o' hair-cloth furni- toor ?” Mrs. Moll — Laws, naw! How'd she git it Mrs, S—" Say! An’ thet ain't the wust of it. She's got a reg'lar noo store bunnit.” Mrs. Moll —"Wa-al, now! What I'd like to know is, how'd she git ‘em 2” Mrs, S—* How sh’ | know? All I got to say is, Them thet has gifs.” OME women are so consti- tuted that they can’t help wasting ten dollars’ worth of brain tissue saving ten cents’ worth of shin of beef. HE KNOWS NOW, io ardirson. SUCCEEDED. Oi heerd yez are on a shtroike, Casey?" Casey—"" Oi am, Oi shtruck fer shorter hours.” nn’ did yez git thim?” Oi did. at all now.” THE INTEMPERATE ZONE. P£OFLE who live in the temperate zone Freeze to the marrow and melt to the bone Twice in the course of a summer's day. And this is the “temperate” zone— they say. AN UNDESERVING CREATURE, s+] REITERATE itt” It was an emancipated wo- man who spoke, and her earnest tone betrayed her depth of feeling. “TL reiterate it, | say! A wo- man who will beat her husband, the tender, timid darling she has vowed Mr. Wavnack—"" I've allers heerd 0° them dog-carts, but I never knowed © protect and cherish, does not de- “Very well. Have it sent.” what they wuz like afore.” serve to have one.” JUSTICE WITH BOTH EYES OPEN. You are charged with vagrancy. Guilty or not guilty?” Jupcr— You are charged with vagrancy. Guilty or not guilty?" Your honor, Iam an actor, at_present—hem '—disengaged.” Prisoner—'* Ver honer, I'm a acter, et present—hum '—disingaged.” Juvce—"* Discharged! Call the next case. Jupce—" Too fat. Thirty days for lying. Call the next case.”