Judge — November 2, 1895 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a a i i i ti i al MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND HER MA. AS good, but she’s awful wearin’, Git's fretty at Tommy an’ me sometimes; but never at Bob. Bob's her chicky-dee. Ma got a notion o' gittin’ married ag’in after pa 'd been dead ‘bout a year; but we young ‘uns wouldn’t have it fur a cent. There was a galoot come shinnin’ round her't use ter peddle sassidges ; everybody said they was made out 0 cats, ‘Tommy an’ me use ter wait fur his waggin an’ then pelt him with termatters er snow-balls, er anything we could git, our hands onter, an’ then we'd meouw like all possessed. He had an ole blin’ nag ‘t uster stop at every liquor-store on the home trip. One day “ Catsy” come t our house (we was livin’ in a house in Or- chard street then). He was intoxicated an’ Bob fired him. That was the last 0” him. Las’ Thanksgivin’ ma an’ me went up t' Yonkers, an’ on the cars was a man 't kep’ a-winkin’ at ma from the time we first started. Bimeby ma says t’ me, “ Mary Ellen, I told you when you got that hat it was entirely too fly fur a wurkin'-girl. Now there's a man opposite a-winkin’ at you an’ I want ye t’ change seats with me.” « Fiddlesticks, ma !" I says, “It’s you he’s a-winkin’ at. I've told ye a hundred times it’s time ye laid off that widder's veil. Goin’ round adver- tisin’ fur a husbind when pa’s been dead seven years! It don’t correspond with yer gen'ral git up in no way.” Y* “COUNTRY FAIR" THAT IS WELL ATTENDED. But I had t' change seats with her, jist t’ keep her quiet ; an’ the man kep’ on winkin’. At last ma says, “Mary Ellen! when the conductor comes ‘round I shall speak to him about that impidint brute.” I tried t' stop her, but she would do it So the conductor went over an’ spoke ter the man an’ he hollered right out loud an’ says, “ What ! them two chromos over there? I want you U understand, sir, that I'm afilicted with nervis peralersis of the left eye. An’ if Iwas on the mash I'd try t’ pick out some better-lookin’ females ‘n them two comic valen- tines!" An’ he wunk all the way t’ Yonkers. MADRLINE ORVES. POSTPONED. Strawher —"\ thought you intended to announce your engagement two months ago?” Singerly—"\ did; but she suddenly decided that in- stead of a carat-and-a-half she must have a three-carat ring.” A GOOD GUESS. +4 K ILDUFF,” said Gilgal to his friend as they sat at table in a restaurant, “why do you eat so much beefsteak 2” Kilduff thought for a few moments and then re- plied, “T think it must be because I like it." | uae Morier—" W Errir. (sobsing): now Bobbie ‘s got the baby's carriage foot-mat (boo-hoo !) on his head, A GLITTERING SUCCESS. The first cold snap bothered Ikey —until he had a happy thought and Hockheimer not a little — saved the expense of ear-mufis. A DANGEROUS PROCEDURE. Mrs. Gazzam —"\ believe that you and Mrs, Taddells are great friends?” Mrs. Cawker—* Well, we used to be; but my six-year-old daughter spent yesterday afternoon at her house and I don’t know what the little girl may have told her.” TO WHAT BASE USES. The czar —"Come hither, brave servant. Accept this, mine own helmet, as a fitting reward for thy bravery and fidelity, and mayst thou live long to wear it.” wan Walkenof— Oh, sire! I shall never let other bands than mine touch this sacred gi van Walkenof— Jimmy, run over to Dinny’s and fetch me a pint o° beer. I'm thirsty.” Jimmy Demsey (scene-shifter)—" Dere ain't no can round de t’ayter.” van Watkenof—* Then take this tin lid o' mine; it just holds a pint. Carry it by the chain and make haste, for the next act will be called in a minute.” YALE- HARVARD EMBRYOS. at's my little girl crying for?” reddie 's spoiled my monkey-fur muff playi foot-ball hair with it, an’ comicbooks.com