Judge — October 5, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

218 Suage A HOLE IN THE GROUND AN ENGLISH tourist, having returned to New York after a visit to the grand canyon of A the Colorado, described what he | ||| saw to a friend as follows : | “It's a bit biggish, you | |) | | know. Wat I mean to say is, looking down, ‘pon me soul, it's jolly low, you know. Not ‘aving me riding-trousers in me Glahd- st'n’ bahg, I refeused the “ SAMUATH BREAKERS.” bloody beast—a burro, aw meule, I fahney — and merely gazed over the bloody precipice for a time. D'ye know, in me own mind it's merely a hole in the ground.” MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND HER LITTLE BROTHER. ~ MY BROTHER Tommy is the bale of my existence. I can't keep a piece of chewin'-gum or anything with a point to it around where he is; an’ if 1 lock ‘em up in the top drawer of my sheffoneer he files a key an’ nips ‘em, Takes my scissors an’ bodkin an’ crochet - needle an’ nail-file for tools an’ makes no end o’ things ; but every time he gets mad at me he smashes the last thing he made for me into smithereens. Every oncet in a while, when ma ain’t round, I git my work in on him an’ give him a real good slappin’; but he only jest laughs at me an’ calls me a“ hen-miser.” He don’t play none of his “ little-brother” jokes on George though. George told him when he first commenced keepin’ comp'ny with me that if he ever did he'd “lam’ him good.” I'm glad he never tried it. It would have queered our engage- ment, sure. AS A STARTER. “George, love, how can you ever hope to support me in this style after marriage 2” * Well, dovie, I shall begin by buying you a bottle of anti-fat.”” Tommy's always been crazy to git onto a farm, so last summer ma sent him out to Cousin Ira’s. He stayed there about three weeks, an’ one day he come walkin’ in home ragged an’ dirty, an’ that emmaciat- ed that we didn’t know him, He said he'd run away an’ rode on platforms an’ walked an’ begged rides “cause they starved him; didn’t give him nothin’ for breakfast but pickles an’ buttermilk an’ pie, The last Friday ‘fore school commenced Tom- my went fishin’ with the janitor three times in one day, All ‘the caught was one eel about a yard long He brought the nasty thing into my room to show me, an‘ nearly set me into highsterics. It was ‘leven o'clock at night an’ he wanted me to git up an’ put a patch into the seat of his pants, so °t he'd be ready to go to markit with the grocery-man at one. I NO! ACCIDENT. wouldn't do it, so he sewed it himself, all puckered ; Mk. GROGAN (seith the evening paper) —* Phwat's thls Oi see! Two..yachts turned oopsoide 2" when he come home in the mornin’ he had a down?” watermelon somebody had give him, an’ he took it Mus, GRocan (burning the steak in her excitemenit)—" Rade it, Moike | “Tow many drowndid ?* vith hi “d gi Ri aa Mx. Gxocan —" Wait'a bit, thin—it's moimishtake. Oi hod the’ papir oopsoide down.” to:bed: witht him for fear-T'd' git'some:of'it;/ani he slep’ for twenty-four hours. MADELINE ORVIS, TOO MUCH FOR THEM, Dusty Jim — ‘There, Pete, is er feller wid terbacker. Let's go over an’ rob him ™ comicbooks.com