Judge — September 28, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A RAINY DAY. OMEN likes a rainy day—suits ‘em to a “* Men-folks set aroun’ an’ growl, mis’bul as kin be ; It's women’s time fer rummagin’ in chists an’ trunks an’ things ; Fer readin’ old love-letters an’ foolin’ with old rings. 1 sometimes watch Maria when the groun’s been wet a spell An’ the rain is fallin’ lonesome an’ nobody's feelin’ well ; How she bustles roun’ as busy as a bumble-bee an’ takes The pictur’s down an’ dusts ‘em till a feller has the shakes. An’ the old chist inside out'ards—quilts an’ patches on the floor ; An’ the letters what I wrote her, spellin’ through ‘em all once more. An’ she smiles while she’s a-readin’, an’ sometimes you'll see a tear A-fallin’ on the paper that she's kept fer twenty year. An’ then I've got to comfort her, an’ so T make a show An’ tell her it's the rainy day what hurts her feelin’s so; An’ jest one word—it starts her on the biggest kind o' cry, Till I almos’ wish there'd never been no happy days gone by. ‘That's how the weather does "em—these women! Never saw A fine, sunshiny day but they was layin’ down the law ; But rainy days is women’s time fer lookin’ over things ; Fer readin’ old love-letters an’ foolin’ with old rings. FRANK 1. STANTON, et —— A DEPLETED HOME LARDER; OR, A PLEASANT LUNCH OUTLOOK. PARSON (on his weay fo a new call”) —"* My boys, what are you digging for?” THe novs—""A woodchuck, mister. ON (remonstratively)— ; BOYS—"'Git him—g-i-t him? We gotter. dinner with us ter-day.” You don't expect to get him on Sunday 7” ‘Th’ new minister 's goin’ ter take 5 > as BEFORE THEY COMMENCED TO BET; Of, THE WILES OF BLUFFING ILLUSTRATED, _, MR. JEFFERSON (the dealer, with a spade flush, sourly)—"' It's a dog-gone po'r dealah dat gibs himse'f sech a han’ ez I's got.” MR JACKSON (with four aces, grimacingly)—" Lawd! I shud tink yo’ hed sum gredge agin me frum dis han',” DEACON BLUFFTON (with a pair of deuces, elated, apparently)—"* I kain't kick on mine, gemmen. Let de bettin’ ripple.” UNTIL. FTER gazing rapturously upon the new baby litle Elsie whispered, “Say, Bob, is she a sister or a brother?” And he replied contemptuously, * Why, goosey, you never can tell until they're named.” ROMANTIC TRAGEDY OF THE PRIMA-DONNA, VIA CRITI The house was hushed. Even the critic gazed at her in awe, First a masterful rendition of ‘* Hum, sweet hum" smote upon his attentive ear, followed by a low, buzz-saw lullaby. He was inwardly affected. He felt there was something afoot as she commenced to pierce his sole. Swat! She fell, the victim of a bursted blood-vessel, and while dying she knew that she was the object of his * rapped attention. THE FAT MAN, THE HAMMOCK, AND THE SLIM TREES, comicbooks.com