Judge, 1895-09-28 · page 5 of 16
Judge — September 28, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of Judge's format: **"A Rainy Day"** is a sentimental poem by Frank L. Stanton depicting how rainy days prompt wives to revisit old love letters and mementos, stirring emotional memories of happier times with their husbands. The satire gently mocks domestic sentimentality. **"A Depleted Home Larder"** jokes about a poor parson whose boys attempt to catch a woodchuck for Sunday dinner since the household is broke—satirizing clergy poverty. **"Before They Commenced to Bet"** depicts three Black men playing poker, using dialect humor typical of the era's problematic racial comedy. The joke involves bluffing and poor card hands. **"Romantic Tragedy of the Prima-Donna"** is absurdist humor: a prima donna collapses mid-performance, and a theater critic only becomes emotionally engaged when she's dying and literally steps on him. **"The Fat Man, the Hammock, and the Slim Trees"** (caption only visible) likely depicts physical comedy about body size and hammocks. The page mixes domestic sentiment, class humor, racial caricature, and slapstick—representative of 1890s Judge magazine's varied comedic approaches.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A RAINY DAY. OMEN likes a rainy day—suits ‘em to a “* Men-folks set aroun’ an’ growl, mis’bul as kin be ; It's women’s time fer rummagin’ in chists an’ trunks an’ things ; Fer readin’ old love-letters an’ foolin’ with old rings. 1 sometimes watch Maria when the groun’s been wet a spell An’ the rain is fallin’ lonesome an’ nobody's feelin’ well ; How she bustles roun’ as busy as a bumble-bee an’ takes The pictur’s down an’ dusts ‘em till a feller has the shakes. An’ the old chist inside out'ards—quilts an’ patches on the floor ; An’ the letters what I wrote her, spellin’ through ‘em all once more. An’ she smiles while she’s a-readin’, an’ sometimes you'll see a tear A-fallin’ on the paper that she's kept fer twenty year. An’ then I've got to comfort her, an’ so T make a show An’ tell her it's the rainy day what hurts her feelin’s so; An’ jest one word—it starts her on the biggest kind o' cry, Till I almos’ wish there'd never been no happy days gone by. ‘That's how the weather does "em—these women! Never saw A fine, sunshiny day but they was layin’ down the law ; But rainy days is women’s time fer lookin’ over things ; Fer readin’ old love-letters an’ foolin’ with old rings. FRANK 1. STANTON, et —— A DEPLETED HOME LARDER; OR, A PLEASANT LUNCH OUTLOOK. PARSON (on his weay fo a new call”) —"* My boys, what are you digging for?” THe novs—""A woodchuck, mister. ON (remonstratively)— ; BOYS—"'Git him—g-i-t him? We gotter. dinner with us ter-day.” You don't expect to get him on Sunday 7” ‘Th’ new minister 's goin’ ter take 5 > as BEFORE THEY COMMENCED TO BET; Of, THE WILES OF BLUFFING ILLUSTRATED, _, MR. JEFFERSON (the dealer, with a spade flush, sourly)—"' It's a dog-gone po'r dealah dat gibs himse'f sech a han’ ez I's got.” MR JACKSON (with four aces, grimacingly)—" Lawd! I shud tink yo’ hed sum gredge agin me frum dis han',” DEACON BLUFFTON (with a pair of deuces, elated, apparently)—"* I kain't kick on mine, gemmen. Let de bettin’ ripple.” UNTIL. FTER gazing rapturously upon the new baby litle Elsie whispered, “Say, Bob, is she a sister or a brother?” And he replied contemptuously, * Why, goosey, you never can tell until they're named.” ROMANTIC TRAGEDY OF THE PRIMA-DONNA, VIA CRITI The house was hushed. Even the critic gazed at her in awe, First a masterful rendition of ‘* Hum, sweet hum" smote upon his attentive ear, followed by a low, buzz-saw lullaby. He was inwardly affected. He felt there was something afoot as she commenced to pierce his sole. Swat! She fell, the victim of a bursted blood-vessel, and while dying she knew that she was the object of his * rapped attention. THE FAT MAN, THE HAMMOCK, AND THE SLIM TREES, comicbooks.com