Judge, 1895-09-28 · page 3 of 16
Judge — September 28, 1895 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Miss Mary Ellen Eastside and Her Aunt" This page satirizes class pretension and social climbing. The cartoon depicts Mary Ellen Eastside, apparently from a working-class background ("Eastside"), attempting to pass as respectable in high society. Her aunt relates humiliating stories—hiring her out for odd jobs, her appearance in worn vaseline-covered clothing smeared with dried apples—that reveal her humble origins. The satire mocks both Mary Ellen's desperate social aspirations and the superficiality of "society" that judges people solely on appearance and manufactured respectability rather than character. The accompanying vignettes (labeled "Judged by Appearances," "Outsold," and "Good") reinforce this theme: surfaces deceive, and social status is often a fragile performance rather than genuine merit.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND HER AUNT. VE got an aunt ‘t's a dressmaker out in Harlem, ‘Us ther worst ol” herrin’ of an ol’ maid y’ ever see. Las’ summer, when I was goin’ on me vacation, I went out there ter see if I could borry her grip. “What d’ ye think I've come fur?" I says t’ her first thing ; tryin’ t* be pleasant. \ “ Mebbe it’s t’ pay me th’ four dollars y’ owe me fur makin’ yer tailor- made costoom,” she says, sniffin’ up her nose. “Guess agin,” I says. “But here ‘s a dollar on it; an’ I want ter git me grip on that grip o' yours.” “Not much, Mary Ellen!" she says. Las’ time I loan’t yer that carpit-bag ye brought it home all gummed up wid vaseline, an’ it smelt su o’ paregoric ‘t I had ¢’ put it out on th’ fire-escape an’ it got rained full 0 th’ fift’ floor’s garbige.” JUDGED BY APPEARANCES. Miss Fatima Pump — ‘Really, Mr. Plaint, Iam so dreadfully shy and re- served that I shrink every time I go into society.” Mk. PLAINt—"" Guess you haven't been into a great deal, have you ?” did o* th’ piller-case full o' dried apples Aunt Marthy brought ma when she first come down from Podunk. ‘Bout that time she thought she was goin’ t’ aie work fur th’ Vanderbilts fur five dollars a day an’ Missis V. was goin’ ter set tie: Maceesren 28H shearer ee ie outsoled vas ten minutes ¢0WN afternoons an’ overcast seams {ur her, When she foun’ ‘t even people aoe ae saa See ene ‘t lives in eighteen-dollar flats in New York don’t allow th’ dress-maker ter th’ table she hired a hall bed-room an’ went ter cookin’ her own pea-soup over j|acos —** Outsailed, father ; outsailed.” R LaGerstetn —"Ach, den, you so much know ! I vill read you— “Der Defender a glean bair ohf heels der Valkyrie showed to'—hein !" beer 2) “All right, Miss Eastside, senéor/" I says. “I das- say ther smell o' baby medicine is overcomin’ to an ol’ maid! An ye're liable t’ need that grip fur yer weddin’ some time in ther nex" ten years.” That made her hoppin’; fur she's been ingaged fur ten, t’ a feller ‘t's fifteen younger ‘n she is. (His mother was her chum, an’ she made his first pants) I see ‘t she was hot an’ was makin’ t’ row ther scissors at me, so I sloped; but first I says, "Ye can take them specs out o' yer pocket now I'm goin’ an’ put ‘em on; fur yer sew- in looks likea barb- wire fence struck by lightnin’.” Th: way her grip come ter smell 0’ paregoric was ‘t we young ladies, when we was on our vacation up in Connecticut, use ter pinch green apples from a neighborin’ farmer. Las’ year he doctored ‘em up wid parish green er jalip er somethin’ er other, But I-didn't Misrwess —"Are you a cook?" git ser sick 0” them : zi gat thes ai Misteess—"* But are you a good cook ?” ; 5 ls ME COMETH NOT, SHB SAID.” green apples as I APPLICANT—-"* Oi om thot ; Oi hoyn't missed airly mass in tin years,’