Judge — September 21, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

** What the deuce did I do with those fish-hooks? — THE PARTY IN THE UPPER BERTH. HE party in the upper berth turned over in his sleep. Then he commenc- ed to snore. His snore was not of the canary-bird variety. It was loud, long and melodious; a cross between a young calliope and a very old bagpipe. It rose and fell like the ocean tide; once in long intervals it stopped short, as if its owner was choking to death, but the cessation was only for a second, for after apparently recovering its breath it started again with such force and volume that one felt sure it was going on and on forever to the day eternal, like Lord Tennyson's brooklet. At first the snore found no resistance. It pierced the silence of the car, disturbing no one, for all slept soundly save myself, who, being of a wakeful nature, sat up- right in the smoking-compartment, amus- HE FOUND IT OUT. BORROWED SPLENDOR. Whar yo' done got dat dandy aftah-dawn Put ‘em in my coat-tail pocket, of course.” ing and entertaining an aching tooth. The snore from the upper berth at the other end of the car was wafted to me first like a summer breeze across a meadow, then like the. dull, monotonous gearing of a mowing- machine, and finally settling down to the steady business of the boiler-works. The car was crowded, otherwise the party in the upper berth would probably have occupied a lower. People who were in dreamland when the snoring had its birth now began to return, one at a time, to. earth again. The elderly maiden in number four, lower berth, turned over and groaned, The traveling man in upper ten, next door to the snorer, rubbed his eyes and reached for his liquor-flask. The Pullman conductor, who was figuring how to rob the company, in the wash-room, and the porter, who only robbed the pas- sengers, both came trotting through the aisle to locate the party with the wondrous snore. One of the passengers arose in his wrath and night-shirt and joined me in the smoking-room. The matter was dis- cussed between us and action soon de- cided upon. We formed in procession eight strong with our right resting on the side of the suit, Johnsing JOHNSING —"* Done hired it at Hockheimer’s fo’ free dollahs a night.” Pererson—"'I fought I recernized it. It's de sime one I woah to de Casterbilt recepshun.” noisy upper berth. First was the con- ductor with teeth set, then the porter, smil- ing but determined, then the man with the wrath and night-shirt, both of which he ‘ clutched firmly, then myself armed with my pipe and the toothache. The others followed in close proximity. We approached the upper berth first on tiptoe, then with stately tread. As we drew near we stopped and formed a mob, The conductor ‘pulled aside the heavy curtain and with fiendish glances we gazed upward at the mon- ster. That we were surprised stands to reason, but that we should have turned cowards at this critical moment no one would have thought. The con- ductor and porter with bowed heads passed to the other end of the car, while the rest of us stole softly to the smoking-room. We had gazed upon a thing of beauty—the sweetest, fafrest, most ravishi®g'y beautiful Ittle woman in seven states. And yet she snored. WILL st, CLEANS, On the banks of the placid Nile Lived a beautiful crocodile And on his face, With ease and grace, He wore a nine-foot smile, INGRATITUDE, axa ss _ Bov—"‘An' ter t'ink dat it was on'y yesterday dat 1 (G!VE good, sound advice and get give yer a big piece o° meat !" yourself disliked.