Judge — August 31, 1895 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Ament. Bannan Giitam. M. Guncos, Editor. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TE One cops, one year. of s2 numbers - $5.00 ‘One copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy, for thirteen weeks = 135 * Tncliding the Cnmiststas June. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries im the postal union, $6.00. year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce Buitpixs), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. CR THE PUBLISHERS of the New Vork weekly JUDGE notify the public that the use of JUDGE in local advertising schemes by printing and inserting advertising pages between ite leaves it a direct violation of the publishers rights under the copy: right li d all copies of JUDGE are sold upon the express condition that they will not be used for such purpores. No one is authorised by the publishers to use JUDGE in this manner, and they will take prompt measures to stop anybody from to using their paper. Notice is hereby given that the United injunction restraining the use of JUDG. JUDGE jet circuit court has recently granted am in that way. 110 Fifth avenue, New York. F97- NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Jude are protected by copy- right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. WHEY SHOULD a man bite the dust whenever somebody kills him? PEFFER'S BEARD frequently re- marks that it will never desert \ Mr, Peffer. 'HE ANGLER digs for bait, and every worm he turns up he calls a ‘Sea-serpent. POT THAT MAN | mes. Un- doubtedly it was he that turned on the water for the deluge. HE NEWSPAPERS are succeed- ing in their efforts to make Teddy Roosevelt show his teeth. OME WESTERN STATES be- lieve in local option as to the cur- rency, but that won't work. eee THE DESTRUCTION of the sev- eral Chinese armies was doubiless the work of H. H. Holmes. LO FERRE = 5 will be as much embarrassed by their great majority as a boy in his papa’s over- coat be. WHEN THE TROOPS reached Jackson's Hole it was found that the Indians bad pulled the same in after them. BROTHER GORMAN holds his own in Maryland, and likewise that which was supposed to belong to Brother Cleveland. A DISPATCH from Oklahoma says a Mr. Williams, who had just been shot, had killed two men “and his reputation was not of the best.” We suspected that man before we got to the end of the information. (Loudly.) A horse, a horse! NO MORE SEEDS from the agricultural department. The treasury might as reasonably distribute specimens of money at the cost of the tax-payers. But, the seeds having been abolished, why should there be an agricultural department? Why should it not go to seed, itself? THE REVEREND MR. HAWTHORNE of Atlanta speaks indig- nantly of a bicycle parade by seven hundred “men, women and Preachers,” and says it must have been instigated by a personal devil. Yes, indeed; and that devil must have inspired the infelicity of the re- mark. THE PHOTOGRAPHE when her majesty sits for a_ picture. R to the queen is credited with large authority Thus we suppose he says briskly, * Now then, your majesty! take off the face that looks as if you had been taking snuff, and give us the pensive one that is associated with And her majesty obeys like a child. memories of Albert.” FAMINE ON THE DARK CONTINENT. KING Rican (in Aungry tones)—"* This business of bein’ monarch of all { survey when I don't survey nothin’ ain't what it’s cracked up to My kingdom for a horse !" BEAUTY-SPOTS. GIRLS WITH FRECKLES are generally pretty. We have noticed that many times. They need to be told of it, however, for they are sensitive and retiring, believing that they are without beauty and without hope. “She has the, freckledest face I ever saw,” is a compliment. So those girls must not go to the freckle-removers, any more than must the girl with red hair go to the bleachery to sacrifice her halo. THE LATER SHE, AT THIS TIME the woman of the period who resides in the country is hard at work killing objectionable beasts. In Pennsylvania she is a milkmaid and kills catamounts. Out west she kills bears. Everywhere and all the while she is killing snakes. Her capacity for injuring and holding burglars has come to be well known; and it may be prophesied that the time is not far distant when she will tame the universal man. FACTS REGARDING PARADISE, ++) YING about three p.m.” says the Marion (Ohio) Star, speaking of a recently deceased citizen, “his spirit took its flight in good time to attend the evening service in heaven.” The rapidity of this transit is striking; but how much more gratifying. though startling, is the writer's accurate knowledge of the details of Christian worship over there. He knows too much, we should say, to be long an occupant of this humble planet. FAT-WITTED EGOTISM. READING NEWSPAPERS is a waste of time, according to Robert Grant; and certain magazines and weekly papers are never tired of talking of “this day of cheap journalism.” Probably, as they do not read newspapers, these critics do not know what they are talking about. A knowledge of the news is not a thing to be ashamed of; and a man who read only the magazines would be dragged on the ground by his ponder- ous ignorance. MORALS IN HAWAII. THE VERNMENT of Hawaii has decided not to pension Kaiu- lani. One member of it wants to pen- sion even the ex-queen, and speaks of the proposed action as the payment of a moral debt; but the old lady will get nothing but her freedom. The moral ity of a debt to a power overthrown for mismanagement is questionable; but it might be fair to return the personal - property taken from her ex-majesty as theftuously as if it had been done by an inglorious thief. VILLAINY IN THIS STATE. THE PRIVILEGE of elopement is not to be speedily accorded the new woman, Indeed, the penalty for it is as severe as if she were a man. In brief, she has acquired the right to be tarred and feathered when she does elope; and this was actually done to one of her by the highly moral men and women of Jayville, New York, who broke her arm and a few of her ribs during the proceedings. And what a precious spectacle the mo- rality of those men and women furnishes ! SPAIN AND MR. MONROE. GOVERNMENT PAPER in Madrid says the labor troubles and riots in this country are going to break up the republic. It is a re- public of gold-lovers anyhow, and it has let England eat her way into Venezuela because certain capitalists are interested with Englishmen in gold-mines there, What kind of a way is that, it asks in substance, to support the Monroe doctrine? We detect a slight feeling of dislike in the composition of this government organ; but the question is certainly good enough to deserve a reply. The reader can reply to suit himself; we haven't time. RIGHTS OF THE CITIZEN. THE REACTION following the enforcement of an unjust law is always extravagant. Presently this city will be as wet on Sunday as it has been dry, and there will be less respect for law than has prevailed; but further on there will be no more liquor drank than during periods when the temperance question is not agitated. A leading writer found by in- vestigation several years ago that the freer the liquor the more the temper- ance; and, it may be added, the better the beverage and the fewer the inmates of insane-asylums. But, whatever may occur, the people are go- ing to make their own laws for their own towns, comicbooks.com