Judge — August 24, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

4122 UNDOUBTEDLY. Nancy —“ Mis’ ‘Liza, honey, did yo" hear ‘bout Massa Inger- soll? No? W: died las’ night; an’ dey say dey Yor heerd, didn’ yo’, dat he didn’ b'lieve in no God, an’ de likes 0° in’ no hell, nor nuffin, He, had a awful time wif him he, he! O, laws, honey !” Lady —"" Why, Nancy! What are you laughing at? It’s perfectly horrible!" Yes, chile, 1 knows awful; but I’m vinkin’ what a sprised man he is jes’ now!” Nancy (with bated breath, THE BARBER GETS EVEN. Customer (as he seats himself in barber's chair) — “Shave, please. Nice weather, isnt it?” THE BAKBER—"* Pardon me, sir; it is a ttle experi- iC ; No repl ment of mine to see whether the public mean all they say BOUNCE WON Cosrouck —"* How's business ?” against talkative barbers. I see ey do not. Itis pga HERE | wdeannet No reply day ; business és good ; Sundays are dry ; we do keep hair- THERE has been a dearth o} Customex—" Rather dry Sundays nowadays. restorer ; also bair-tonic, hair-dye, pomatum, face-wash, and overshoes in our home. No reply. scalp-cleanser. Baths in the rear and boot-black down- Lucky indeed was the individual Cusromvr—" Do you keep hair-restorer 2” stairs. 1 see the public appreciate common civility in bar- who could boast even one. No reply. bers. Vou need a hair-cut and a shampoo, sir,” etc., etc., Bounce’s noble canine counte- MamMy—"' Doan’ ask so many foolish questions, chile. He does. Find out fo’ yo'self.” nance began to be viewed with suspicion, Marjorie of- fered no comment when hers were missing, but hastily left the room this morning when I said Bounce must be the culprit and would have to be sent away. Later the pair entered the dining-room, Mar} tears, holding up her skirts as a receptacle for a lot of the most mud - bedecked over- shoes ever seen, while Bounce carried one fatherly overshoe his mouth and deftly bal- anced on his shaggy back the missing pair of Marjorie's. “Bounce never did it, mamma,” sobbed the child. “You were so sorry when vour rubber tree died that Ive been planting the rub bers ever since —‘cause m: a you with, I've watered ‘em every day, but they didn’t seem to come up — and, mamma "—with a tempest of sobs—* I really couldn't let Bounce be sent away, even for a rubber-tree for you, so we've dug ‘em up.” he one would grow to s'p Customer—"*See here! Confound your impudence' ete. What do you mean by such infernal silence 7” HE UNDERSTOOD; ts] WANT some fallen- : angel ham,” murmured Miss de Vout; and the gro- cery-clerk forthwith produced acan of the deviled article. TIMED. Mistress—“ Oh, Bridget, you've gone and put those eggs right in with the others! Now, how am I to tell which is the hard dozen and which the soft dozen ?” Bridget (contemptuous!) —“An' which should th’ hard ones be, mum, but thim thot's been th’ longest in. th’ pot ?* Some say we shail be 2 toothless race. ‘Thiat hands and feet will assume Or over. burdened with molar aijuncts as per sketch gigantic proportions. And we shall get nearer to the brute family. While others will lose them. Or further away from it, and be} ultea-retined. Or we shall be a ; : jongcheaded ra ‘That there will be no capillary Hoag headed ace Ora short-headed one, adornment in the coming age. THE MAN OF THE FUTURE—A FEW CONTRADICTORY FORECASTS BY MEDICAL CRANKS. Or too much of it, as above. comicbooks.com Mr dren gums rhura. oe Mow’ the ¢ man sixtec to re to w sible.