Judge — August 10, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

90 MISS _ UP-TO-DATE, HE. maid who seeks to lead the van, Despite all sundry rumors, Now finds herself beneath the ban— One might as well caress a man As kiss a girl in bloomers. A MARTYR TO PRINCIPLE. S+LTERE is food !” The starving man crawled feebly forward, His. hollow eyes burned and glittered at the sight of she savory viands, His parched lips moistened. “Ab!” he gasped. His voice had a hoarse rattle. “Something to eat!" Rescue had come not a minute too soon, * But “What is it?” cried the fam- ished creature, stretching out bis parchment hands, so thin— ob, painfully thin and transparent ! “You will have to wash up the dishes. ir! what do you take me for? My wife is in the country.” And he turned away. Death rather than dish-washing. ONE ON THE GHOST. “Did yo" heah ‘bout Jim Jackson meetin’ de nurdered man, las’ night, down by de ghost uv de swamp?” “No. Wot did Jim do ?* “He dusted de ghost fo! aqua'tah. Jim's got a bi Pullman porter.” SMALL Boy. OTHRK Boy— an’ den braced him jerve sence he’s bin a TERMINALS, SsPAINT me a motto, Kate,” said he; “A motto that shall my guid- ance be.” She took as her model,"*I lope on, hope ever,” Kut not being notably wise nor clever, She missed some letters and lost her head ; “Hop on, hop ever,” her motto read, AT PASSAIC. Michael Githooly (late aqueduct contractor) —"Any more visitors to-day, Mary Ann?” Mary Ann Gilhooly — “Nah; but we hov got an invite to Mrs. Elite’s lawn- party, next Wednesday.” Michael Githooly —" A laundry-party do yer mean? Ah, shure! Now I kin on- dershtand why the — ladies about here have their w: day printed on cards.” BENEATH HIS DIGNITY. Say, here comes de President of de United States !" Well, let him come. Yer don’t expect de captain of de ate ward base-ball team ter demean his dignity by runnin’ ter see him, do yer?" PLoppixc Weary WILLIAM — meal an’ wanter keep it on JUDGMENTS. LOVE me love my god. If man had never sinned he would live forever. Speak no more of the “com- ing woman"; she is here. “The romance of the unex- pected ""—Your summer gas-bill. Sooner or later (probably later) things have got to come right. Never try to find your friend out; it will make you both mad if you succeed. Some folks are so full of human nature that there is no room left in. them for principle. Man can live by bread alone if a little of the milk of human kind- ness goes with it. Many experiment in vice just from curiosity or because they get tired of being good. A true liar can always be de- pended upon to tell as many differ- ent stories as there are stories to tell. It may be safely set down as a fact that no man, woman, or child who whines is deserving. Dogs don't know any better. MADELING ORVIS. STED BY GRAVITY, What ails ye, Bill—goin’ crazy 7" Asa roubles and for She- not quit mamiag lov He wish we threw § mond | Alwa Dry I then yc Mrs ing hee friends home? Mrs. d when s tum, n “Don't say a word, Petie ; I jes’ hed a square me stomach ez long ez possible.” comicbooks.com