Judge, 1895-07-06 · page 4 of 16
Judge — July 6, 1895 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page from Judge magazine (likely 1880s-90s based on style) contains multiple satirical commentaries on American life: **"The Glorious Fourth"** mocks Independence Day celebrations—satirizing how Americans use July 4th as an excuse for drunkenness, fireworks injuries, and general disorder, while ironically noting it benefits the "powder and poetry industry." **"Learn to Say No"** depicts a man refusing his persistent girlfriend another liver pill—a joke about Victorian-era patent medicines and masculine resistance to nagging women. **The remaining vignettes** mock marriage and divorce: a woman celebrating her divorce anniversary instead of Independence Day; an asylum attendant's qualification being previous marriage to a difficult woman; a man with a cannon accident; a woman discovering her fiancé's infidelity; and dialect humor about Irish-American jealousy. The humor targets Victorian anxieties: marriage difficulties, substance abuse via "medicines," gender conflict, and working-class immigrant stereotypes. The overall tone is cynical about American respectability and domestic life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE GLORIOUS FOURTH. H, GLORIOUS Fourth! beloved of the gay, When men delight to swallow rum and beer, When awful discords fall upon the ear ; Ah, glorious Fourth! so full of broil and fray, How very easily a whole month's pay In celebrating thee doth disappear— And yet mankind is glad when tHou art near, Uproarious, tintinnabulous holiday. Ah, time of aching heads and tired feet, Tt may be that thou art the cause of woe, Of much disorder and calamity ; But still thy yearly coming all should greet Because above all else thou aidest so The powder and the poetry industry ! TO BE lacking in political bias is no sign‘of a fant of patriotism. LEARN TO SAY NO. “Only one more, George; only one more.” she whispered fondly as sie clung about his neck lke ivy around a stump. ‘The man flushed scarlet and in vain attempted to put her from him, * Please, George! Oh, as you love me, George, only one more!" “No! he cried hoarsely, wresting himself from her convul- sive embrace * Sooner than take another of those liver-pills I'll sue for a divorce * Brrexinkipck Kenty (of Cherry strect)—" An’ so, Josephine O'Toole, I find yer eatin’ ice-cream wid anudder man after yer solemn promise only las’ night It’s lucky fer youse both dat youse live in N’ York an’ not in Kentucky. ter stick ter me troo tick an‘ t'in. an’ enjoy yer guilty conscience." IT'S ALWAYS SO. Justson—" I say, aren't you blamed glad we're not in towrr this hot weather ?” A LITTLE EARLIER. ++] CELEBRATE June the thirtieth as Independence day,” to another. Isn't that a trifle early 2” “It may be, but it-is the day on which I secured my first divorce.” HE HAD HAD THE EXPERIENCE. Attendant (at insane-asylum)—" No, he's not particularly dangerous; but once in a while he will break out into fits of violent passion.” Visitor—* ow does it happen that you are given charge of these cases 2” Altendant—* Wall, you seefor seven years I was married to a St. Louis girl.” id one Chicago woman FINIS. HIS Fourth hard luck he ran on ; He's left these mundane scenes. Now Freddie and his cannon Are both in smithereens, If HIS “STAR” HAD COMMENCED TO SET. IN CHICAGO. pitti Joseruine— Your husky voice leads me to The fiancée—" Dear Charles, 1 think you've been indulging in corn-juice too freely.” have a confession to make to you. Navolkon —"'So you thought you'd get in Rian there and lay for me. eh?” My husband is living. TOsRrAInE SS Nos (1 asi eaaiag “ayowh The fiancé—" Which?” business, setting here in the hatchway.” A HORRID FATE. Lallows yer ter live, woman—I allows yer ter live comicbooks.com