Judge — June 22, 1895 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MY LIVER. REAT organ, group of protoplasmic cells, In man a marvel, common in the beast ; And, cooked with onions, pleasant to the taste ; Prey to the man of pills or horrid pads, A steady income to the quack. Great gland, When thou dost run thy bases lo! we laugh And sing with joy; but when thou strikest out ‘The world is draped in gloom so deep, pro- found, We court seclusion and the books of James— He of the solitary horseman fame. Monopolist thou art of all within ; Heart, soul and spirit in the kick unite, Till we refuse ten-dollar loans to friends, Hurl pallid book-fiends from our palace-steps And curse the venders of the county maps Tn raucous terms, rehearsing in our minds Dark modes of murdering the bore Who tells us we look bad, Have we become A jaundiced nation? Often in our dreams We see the capitol with hepatic bulge Like stagnant liver, and we long to draw A mighty liver-pad with floating strings From Nicaragua to the Behring sea Around the inert mass and make it work. TALKING SHOP. +4 ]5 MY proposal accepted ?” he asked of the daughter of the naval constructor. she responded, “but I expressly reserve the right to reject any or all bids.”” A MIDSUMMER LOVER. | T used to yearn for burning sighs ‘To echo back my fervid tone ; D to pine for ardent eyes ‘o pour sweet fire into my own ; Tut,though I may seem like a brute, I must confess to altered views— “It is received and filed,” | | j { 1 Give me the girl who chills my suit ; She is, just now, the girl I'd choose. os, marDens. TOTTERING. Mabel— Your Psyche knot looks pretty wobbly, Ethel! 1 suppose it is because it is your first.” The débutante (consulting mirror) —" So it does! In fact quite Buddensiecky.” Wirk—" John, I wish you would doa little spading around my verbena- bed so that I can plant a border of "— vstanp—"" Plant, plant! should think you wanted to plant me, the way you act. Here Lam, all worn out, and "— (Goes out and bangs the door.) But man, great man, becomes slave tothee— UP TO DATE. a ornery-lookin’ muel yo" got dar, MASCULINITY. ‘Whad yo’ call um ?" THE SILVER QUESTION. * Got any change, John?” JUDGMENTS. LOVE js an infinite capacity for suffering. A man’s affection is regu- lated by his digestion. The beauty of pain is not in the thing itself, but the way it is borne. The mere accident of rela- tionship does not give one the right to be insulting. A lawyer is a man who makes his living by attending to other people's business. weet AN ASSIGNMENT FOR HIM, +6] HAVE an assignment for you, Mr. Graffik,” said the editor to the new reporter. “Are you married ?” “No, sir.” “1 thought not, Get mar- ried instantly and let me have a three-column article by ten o'clock on how to manage a w Huspanp (in back yard, one hour later)—" By gum! here I've dug over forty square feet and hain't got but half a can of worms, and them trout ‘Il be biting like thunder to-night too.” comicbooks.com