Judge — June 8, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CLIMAX CAPPED; OR, PRESENCE OF MIND'S VICTORY OVER A DEFEAT. Stacr-managen (rudely spilling Bobby's paper raps)—"* Manager's kid er no manager's kid, I've heerd th’ last paper cap shot off on this stage I'm goin’ ter. Git, now!" THEOLOGICAL INACCURACIES. SHE DIDN'T HEAR THE COMMA, THREE-YEAR-OLD Ethel had gone to Sun- day-school for the first time with her mother, who taught there. On her return home her grandmother asked, “ Well, Ethel, how did you like Sunday-school ?* “T like it, dranma, and I want to go to see God.” So you shall, some day, dear,” said grand- ma, pleased with the pious zeal displayed by so young a child “But [want to go right away. I want some of God's preserves.” , “God has no preserves, child; what do you mean >" STAGE- MANAGER (as Trapper Zeke, later)— “An now ter rescue Lightnin’ Luke from th’ red devils, Caution, Ze! lin’ of a twig—will The escape! Iv WAS THERE Wild whoops! Curtain, applause, and_curtain-call! ment. them Won't you hear ‘es, I will superintendent. “Schmidt page forty- gin.” Page forty-nine con- tained a selection from the Psalms. Schmidt began at the top of his loud, unmodu- lated voice,“ Sing spasms, sing spasms unto the Lord.” “That will do,” said the superintendent, with difficulty preserving his gravity; then, turning to the dismayed teacher— said the open to ine and be- Wire (up.stairs)—"* Jobn, 1 left a scuttle of coal in the hall for you to bring up with you. Jous—" Yes; I've found it.” “Yes, he has, drannie. A little girl told mamma so, and I want to go and get some right now.” Failing to elicit anything more definite from the child, the mother was questioned, and she finally remembered that the tot had listened very attentive- ly to the answer to the question. * Why should the children of God love him ?” which was,“ Because he has made (.) preserves. and keeps them,” A SLIGHT DIFFER! “Well, M class read? DF OPINION. ‘ott, how does your asked the superintendent of a teacher in one of our western towns where the German element pre- dominates. “They are doing very well now; Lam much pleased with their improve- “* Wot yer runnin’ fer? WORSE, vv they got er dog?” ; Cree cords uv wood." STAGE-MANAGER (as Trapper Zeke, fuk **Cuss them! they have laid a trap fer me Licutsine Luxe (faking) —"* Never fear, Zeke. ‘Th’ chief's daughter is enamored of me an* has drugged th’ villidge, Cut me bonds an’ we will fly before they come t their senses. Hasten! they are recoverin’,” “ Judging from this boy, I should say your class does read well, but I will hear the rest some other day.” WHERE THEY WERE FOUND, A pastor of a very poor church wished to present his congregation with hymn-books, but did not have the money wherewith to buy them. The proprietor of a patent medicine offered to give the books, provided he were allowed to insert his advertisements in them. The preacher gladly consented. When the books arrived he examined them carefully, but could not find the advertisement. Congratulating himself upon his good. fortune, he presented them on, Easter morning, then announced, “We will sing the hymn on page sixty-nine.” ¥ A CELEBRITY, Yep, dat's him—de great pitcher wot's under ter pitch fer de Hill-billies at twenty-five cents er One glance at the page, and a very audible smile went through the con- gregation. The hymn read as follows : “ Hark, the herald angels sing ! Jobnson’s pills are just the thin Peace on earth, and mercy mild ‘Two for man, and one for child.” AND SHE WENT. The new woman (at the theatre) — “Well, I'm glad that act is over.” Her husband —" Didn't you en- joy it?” The new woman—“ Yes; but I've been dying for the last fifteen minutes to go out and see a woman,” ONE- SIDED. Gillback—"‘\s it true that you don’t spend as much money now as. you did before you were married ?” Packett —"\t is. 1 wish I could say the same thing of my wife.” comicbooks.com