Judge — June 8, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BETWEEN Mr. Gorrocks—‘* Mr, Poorly, I have long loved your daughter, and "— Mr Poorty—" Oh, spare me that! Me ch-e-i-ld! me only unmarried daughter! m FRIENDS. ‘Mx. Gorrocks—"' That'll do, Poorly. ried off ten daughters of my own ; so just" ALAS, POOR TRILBY! AS.O8 the Bowery I chanced to stop. While taking in the sights with hasty glance I saw this legend o'er a tailor-shop Displayed in golden letters, ** Trilby pants.” I gazed and gazed again in wonder rude, In fact I'm gazing still; that spot I haunt, My eyes upon the glittering legend glued, My pale lips mutt'ring, '* Why does Trilby pant?" WELEN TRY BRORCK. TAKEN OFF HIS GUARD. Mother—" Johnny, you've been in swimming.” Joknny —" No, \ haven't.” Mother—" Was the water cold?” Johnny —* You bet it was!” OF COURSE NOT. Springer —“It_ bakes be awful bad to have folks tell be whad to do for this cold.” Gripsack —"\t don'd be. By friends all advise rub and bolasses.” Mr. PoorLy—"' She's yours! Have a cigar.” I'm sixty years old and have mar- LOVE’S CONTRADICTIONS. WHEN Phyllis goes a-Maying By flowery mead and lane, With loves and graces straying, Tl wager, in her train, Though eager swains be many, And all of wooing mind, The one she loves, if any, Is he who lags behind. When Strephon goes a-courting Amid the sylvan leas, Where maidens are disporting And joy sings in the breeze, Though many a nymph may share his Warm gaze and ardent speech, The one he loves for fair is The one he cannot reach. MADELINE S. BRIDGRS WHAT SHE WAS. Hacket (furiously) —"Do you know, I've married a young woman through a matrimonial agency which claimed her to be a countess, whereas I find she is only a cook !" Sacket (interestedly) —"“A_ cook! You lucky dog!” BEEN THERE. Ham—"" What struck yer th’ most, Uncle Hiram, on yer visit ter New York ?” Uncur Hiram (mournfuily)—" Bunco-steerers, my son.” THE PREVAILING FAD. HOEING corn and playing golf bring into play the same muscles and the energy expended is about equal; but one is work and the other is fun. ANSWERED. Pudges (critically) —" You have on exhibition ‘the shirt in which Kid Dickey murdered Lonely Ike‘; so does the next museum down the street, and so does a third one, over on Sixth avenue "— Corker (of the Jewel museum, indignantly)—" Look here, young feller; do you believe a gent as is Kid Dickey wouldn't sport more than one shirt ?” OL PROFUNDITY. FatHeR—" Do you think Mr. Softley is a profound thinker, my dear?” DauGuter (aged eighteen)—"* He doesn’t need to be, papa after we're married he’s going to think the same as I do in everything.” EMPTY. Hayseedville’s school-room on the day the circus came to town. He says that comicbooks.com