Judge, 1895-05-11 · page 5 of 16
Judge — May 11, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical vignettes typical of late-19th-century American humor: **"The Omitted Adjective"**: A Chicago woman demands her newspaper retract coverage of her costume, objecting not to inaccuracy but to the *absence* of flattering descriptors—the satire mocks vanity and newspaper deference to wealthy readers. **"A Leading Feature"**: A man asks about waterfront property; the commuter's reply satirizes real estate fraud, suggesting all lots become "waterfront" at high tide—mocking speculation and dishonest real estate practices. **"A Large Practice"**: Jokes that Dr. Pilz's large patient practice consists entirely of funerals—dark humor about a doctor's commercial success depending on deaths. **The remaining items** include fashion satire ("Higher Up" mocks absurdly large sleeves and bonnets), poetry, and a recurring "Results of Science" series mocking medical students' misguided experiments on animals—satirizing both scientific hubris and student incompetence. The page exemplifies *Judge's* blend of social commentary, class mockery, and absurdist humor targeting wealthy urbanites, real estate schemes, and scientific pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
uae THE OMITTED ADJECTIVE. Ske (Chicagoensis) —“ Please stop my paper. I don’t like the way you reported my costume, sir.” He (editor of the Butterfly) —* But I'm willing to make any correction, you know She—" Oh, well, then. It should have read ‘ivory silk with real lace and real diamonds,’ sir !" A LEADING FEATURE. Citily—* Do you think I can secure a water lot at Lonelywood-on-the-Hudson, or are they all sold?" Commuter (enthusiastically) —“ 1 know you can! Every lot there is a water lot at high tide.” A LARGE PRACTICE. A WHIST PARTY." A PICTURE. Naggs—"" Dr. Pilz has a practice of THE hollyhocks bloomed by the garden wall, fifty thousand a yea JUDGE'S PATENT, ‘The bees swung by with an idle drone ; Waggs —“ Fifty thousand what? An umbrella for modern sleeves. ‘The roses clambered about the porch Funerals ?” And over the meadows the daisies shone. HIGHER UP. D‘veE RUMOR tells among the belles A new decree of fashion ; ‘The bonnet tall, in spite of all so>*-/ “Mankind, shall be more lofty. The air was filled with the scent of flowers And the fragrant breath of the lowing kine; ‘A maiden stood by a wicket gate Embowered by the sprays of a framing vine. Big sleeves, as well, promise to swell To mountainous proportions, Obstructing that not hid by hat. So much for legislation ! A bird-note trilled through the sunny air; ‘A rustic swain came up the road, With his broad straw hat and his homely blouse, ‘A huge ox-team and a heavy load One chance is left for man bereft, But what did she care for his flattering glance, ainicat depen ond seiser? Or the buzzing bees or the cows’ sweet breath, s Or the clustering vine with its scented flowers? a sovpes should re poeee She's a city girl who is bored to death. © call for a step-ladder, CAROLYN WELLS. OUT OF TEMPER, LA MONTE WALDROM, MEDICAL sTuDENT (home on vaca- tion)—"* Dad, do you notice that those rats don't mind the bunnies at all? I 3 . talere it Loita Wit ot colette abies Before the operation. After the operation. Result of the operation, grafting on the old cat she'd catch more of ‘em.” S Darcey ys Bixp oF prey (sadly) — “* I've MEDICAL | sTupeNT — “* What ! The snap, caught many a rabbit in my time, but the old cat without her ears and tail? I never knew one to act that way be- Well, that skin-grafting I did on her : wasn't the success I thought it was.” THE RESULTS OF SCIENCE. comicbooks.com