Judge — May 4, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEN DIMPSEY LOST HIS PULL. WUHAN Dimpsey walked down Far- tieth shtrate, wid patint leathers an his fate, a shtove-poipe hot so broight an’ nate, ‘An’ his shkin t'ree-quarthers full, Min shtood an’ looked in moiid surprise, th’ leddies ate him wid their eyes, an’, big an’ little, “Tim Dimpsey has a pull !" (Ree-marks,) “Arrah! yez cud see hi Uree blocks glintin’ loike an but now yez cudn’t tell him tin fate away, barrin’ yez cud cotch his breath— * Fer Dimpsey’s losht his pull.” He wore a figured caliky shirt; a neck- toi thot yure eyes wud hurt; a yard av han'kercher he wud flirt His pants creased be-yu-ti-ful Yer ought t' see him shwing his cane; i med his seal ring sbow aff plain; dog-shkin gloves wud give yez pain, Whan Dimpsey hod a pull. (Shpoken vocally.) ** He hod a dignifoid gait an him, loike a hearse-harse wid a shpavin, which he conthracted whoile he was a conthractor an’ supplied th’ bricks t’ th” mason at th’ top av th’ laddher, but now divil resave th’ shtoyle he has, ** Since Dimpsey losht his pull.” " ground wint up, th’ shky kim down ; th’ universe shpun oun’ an’ roun’; Se th’ very sunloight turned sale-brown ; HOW IT FELT. Thr shtars grew cowld an’ dull. M. Frenchy is not so large as this, but he felt that he was when he stood His whisky wake as wather grew; his seegyars shmoked loike foive fer two; up in his first duel. his very goat bucked at him too Whan Dimpsey losht his pull. (Suid in a sad tine of countenance.) * He hod a foine, luxuriant head av hair, th’ color av a poile-droiver's rav- cled cable, an’ in a single noight of spache- MAYPOLES. ‘HERE are few houses with closets enough to hold the family skeleton. The most popular out-door sport for women at this time of the year less agony it turned a dilicate pink wid an undertone av maroon brown— *Whan Dimpsey losht his pull." They say thot now an Ratthery park, an hour an’ foive quarthers afther dark. a monsthrous shpectre cowld an’ shtark, An’ about t'ree-quarthers full, Will grope an’ feel about th’ ground wid- out a visible word or sound. They say ‘tis Dimpsey buntin’ round T” foind thot vanished pull. (Rece-coited in a clam voice.) Bedad! it may be Dimpsey an’ it may not. Th’ quistion is whether thot pull is losht or shtill in use be some wan ilse; but it was an iligant jewel-hilted, two-handled pull, an’ we'll niver see a bet- ther wan than * Whan Dimpsey hod his pull.” A WORDEN, A LESSON IN LONGEVITY. Little Johunie—* Say, pa, what's the difference between cut flowers and potted plants?” Brown—" About three days.” NOT HER SPHERE. Mrs. Cobwigger —"1 don't see why I shouldn't be considered in re- gard to the new house we move into.” Cobwigger —" Why, my dear, 1 don't see what difference it can make is house-hunting. To buy a house in the suburbs in May is a sure sign that you will be try- ing to sell it in June. The furniture-mover can break a relic that has been handed down entire from the time of Ramses Il. A woman never really has her heart set on moving until she finds out that her husband has a lease of the old house. It may be mean for a man to rent a new house without consulting his wife, but it is a sure sign that he isn’t henpecked. The charm of love in a cottage depends on whether it is at a fashion- able summer resort or in a suburban wilderness The new woman, who sneers at all the old occupations of her sex, be- comes a backslider during these house- hunting days. Although the cat may have always liked to sleep in the market-basket that is no reason why he will submit to be- ing moved in it. J: O'connmtt. HE coming woman will have pecca- dillos and will find allowance for them among her own sex, = : DISTANCE IN NASAL PROTUBERANCE, SQUINTERSTEIN (who is trying glasses for near-sightedness) — to-you, Since you have joined all the women’s clubs you are never at home.” —“* Donner und Blitzen! dey von't do. I gan’t efen see der glasses."" The rich de Lancey She is led out. Coupon is attentive to her. She is flirting with that Is a wall-flower for ten worthless Mr. Penniless. minutes. THE DEBUTANT'’S FIRST BALL, AS TOLD BY ITER MOTHER'S FACE. Surrounded by admirers. Success assured. comicbooks.com