Judge — May 4, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Photo, by Schloss. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. VIRGINIA HARNED AS ‘* TRILDY.” To call you fair, to sing your charm, To say that critics you disarm, Would be but truth, yet not the sense Of what you are par excellence What is your quality? I guess We'll have to call it Tritbyness. THE FAMILY MAN. E DRIVES the nail in silence grim, But he is far from dumb. You know it by the sound from him. Each time he hits his thumb. THE EVE OF HOUSE- CLEANING. Adam — Great guns! again? Dost thou persist in this most bane- ful practice, Eve?” Eve —" What's that to thee, who never raked a leaf from off the greensward? Hie thee to thy fa- vorite ranch. oh, lazy one, and I will send a token by the dove when all is sweet and clean.” Adam—" Thou art on the war- path, I perceive. Alas, woman! last year ye scrubbed the spots from off went he, am I. of woe. Suage my fayorite leopards and fumigated thou the ele- phants’ trunks; yea, and picked the camels’ humps to bits in search of moths and microbes. Nothing is safe from thee.” Eve—“ Be reasona- ble, my love, else I will join Sorosis and raise a tantrum for thy benefit. Sojourn at some romantic spot and take our children with thee till all be done.” Adam children! Forsooth, I am not Abel, and a Cain I never carried. Dost think me then a dude?” Eve—"He's gone. Conversing with himself gad, the Ab, fortunate No other woman in the wide, wide world is there to listen to his tale The garnered speech of monkeys only to console him. fly. Here, Cain! heap up the big flat stone with mulberries and fleck the At it f life.” EFFECTS OF AMBITION. CLERKLY (dining out)—‘* What's become of the star boarder ?” Scrimprer—"*'Sh! now eats in the kitchen.” ‘That's me. ‘The old star married the landlady and VERY CAUTIOUS. Farmer Waynack—"' Hold on, Maria! cable-car gits by. I ain't goin’ tew take no risks at my time o° Wait till thet_ pesky butterflies from off the Sally Lunns. You, Abel, curl a leaf and gather figs therein; then hustle to yon pool for water. We leave the grot to-day. I in thine absence will sort moss for beds to-night and pin these drooping branches for a tent. So much to do, my tonic out, and that tired feeling coming on, “The day is done. I’m tuck- ered out; and Abel 's down with mumps. Here, Cain! catch me the telephone. I'll send a message to thy disgruntled dad.” TRIED, Mrs. Hector—"\ know what kind of a temper you've got.” Mr. Hector—\ don't doubt it. You've tried it often enough.” HE Lost Mr, SMARTY—"' There, my boy ; just three minutes before the train starts. That's the way we old travelers make it"— HIS TRAIN, Bat he didn’t expect to find three women before him at the ticket-office. comicbooks.com