Judge — April 6, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

COULDN’T PLACE HIM. S¢VHO am dis Napoleon dey're all talkin’ ‘bout?” said Deacon Ketchum at the supper-table the other evening as he bit his piece of mince-pie in two and handed half to the dog. “Wry, didn’ yo’ nebber heah ob Napoleon?” asked his son with an air of superiority. "Pears toe me I has, now I kum toe Vink ‘bout it,” replied the deacon, “He robbed er bank, didn’ he?” “No, no, fader; yo're ‘way off.” “Den it wuz er railroad he bustid,” cried the deacon convincingly. “Wrong agin, dad; wrong agin!” chuckled the superior youth. “He ain't de billiard-player, am he?” queried the elder with a noticeable lack of confidence in himself. “Nor de fellah dat eats thirty quails in thirty days?” “Keep on guessin’, ole man.” AFTER HIS DAD. Mr. SwEARER—"' Yes, pastor ; I try earnestly to bring my child up in the way of righteousness. Johnnie, say something for the pastor.” Jounnie—" Wherein blank is my collar-button ?” A DANGEROUS RIVAL. © DOUBT this new woman of whom you all write And lecture and gossip from morning till night Will be, as predicted, a creature most rare, Well-balanced and brainy and clever and fair : No doubt she will merit unlimited praise, Be loved and admired for her wonderful ways ; Be sought after, worshiped, looked up to with awe, May even be asked to assist with the law ; Perhaps go to congress—I haven't a doubt That most of these marvels are coming about ; Yet let me remark, while I have it in mind, That, spite of her charms, your new woman will find, As regards public favor, though honored she may be, She'll never be in it with me — ‘TWR NEW HARY. HIS ASSURANCE. Nervous old lady—" Now, you'll be careful going A CARELESS DOMESTIC. — a _ down; won't you, young man?” save RRIDGED (Gearnines)—" Whisht, sor! be afther coomin’ in th’ house shtill, Ver mother-in- Elevator-boy —" Ob, you needn't be afraid, ma'am, "Mr. Hesreck—"t Don't make me laugh, Bridget; my lip is cut." Lain’t killed anybody yet this week.” “Den he muster bin de man dat discobered Grober Cleveland.” No, fader; he wuz er fighter. “Oh, sho! am dat all? Wacal, dere’s so much trash in de ring now- erdays I kain’t keep track ob ‘em. ‘And as the diplomatic scion of degenerate ancestors wished to bor row a dime about then he thought it policy to let it go at that. THE WISE MAN FALLETH APRIL FIRST. [8 SVISDOM’S age a man was born With eye-teeth in his head ; His bump of self-esteem unshorn Breathed knowledge that was fled. In after ages, as he grew ‘The subject of much talk, He hadn't senses to eschew The hot cent on the walk. MoS SRL, AN OCULAR DELUSION. SOYVHY do you think there is something radically wrong with fair woman's eyesight HE KNEW A “GOOD THING.” “Because she always thinks Sux-—"* Papa hates the idea of my leaving him so : : much that he has declared he will never let me marry i re i i that her hat is the smallest in the unless my husband promises to come here and live with Te is needless to say. that the young man ie proposing. theatre and her sleeves the largest.” him"—— comicbooks.com