Judge, 1895-03-30 · page 6 of 16
Judge — March 30, 1895 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous pieces typical of 1890s American satire: **"The Good Joke as a Burglar-Detector"** mocks German culture by suggesting that if a burglar laughs at a joke, you've identified him—a jab at what Judge considered German humorlessness. **"An Optimist"** presents a mild debate between pessimist and optimist perspectives on weather—standard comic fare. **"True Charity"** satirizes both poverty and corrupt small-town justice. A homeless man receives shelter from a kind woman, only to be arrested, tried, and jailed by her magistrate husband who profits from the fine—exposing how "charity" and legal corruption coexist. **"Metempsychosis—1895"** jokes about reincarnation beliefs. A woman claims her constant snake dreams prove she was a drunkard in a past life, shocking her sister. The page also includes brief character jokes and advertisements. The humor relies on contemporary social anxieties about class, morality, and urban life rather than specific political events. The satire targets hypocrisy and social pretension broadly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE GOOD JOKE AS A BURGLAR-DETECTOR. (After the German) Cuorus (after the joke)—"* Ha, ha, ha! that’s the best I ever neard.”” j A CERTAINTY. THINGS are coming to such a pass that pret- ty soon when we see a young man who is walk ° ing abead of us carefully lift one coat-tail as he crosses the street we may feel morally certain that he is an advanced young woman, T TAKES two to make a betrothal, and both are to blame. years, — “Indeed,” clothes ?” ANE WHILE THE FIRE R Coronet. BARLEY (of K’entued: Maria, Just as soon as { take this keg of forty-ye: old bourbon down I will be right back after you.” Seedy individual will you loan me on this suit of uage AN OPTIMIST. 66YY HAT miserable weather this is! said the pessimist. “We ought to be | thankful that we have any weather at all,” replied the optimist. HIS DAY. Foot Tighes— “There's only one day in th’ year that I feel at all like work.” Huff Rhodes— “What day is that?” Foote Tighes—" Th’ twenty-ninth o' February.” A CRUSHING REPLY. TOM: cating rotten cheese, did say, “Like Samson, I my thousands slay.” said Bob, ‘that's very tru And with the self-same weapon too.” FILLED THE REQUIRE- MENT. “How much Pavwnbroker—* Nothing. 1 loan simply on entire wardrobes.” Seedy individual —" Well, this is my entire wardrobe.”* MISSING O'FLAHERTY she had in her arms two babies and a Guernsey cow all white with a plaid shawl on and a high comb and black spots all down her back and always giving twenty quarts a day whoever will give information to the distracted husband will be forever mentioned in his prayers may the heavens be his bed and peace be to his soul. WAN Would you lke me to s| “'Tain't high enough ! TRUE CHARITY, vERY FirLps—"' Were yer bin fer de last two months, Waysipe WiLLIE—" W'y, ‘twas dis way. T asked a kind- lookin’ lady fer alms. She takes me in; gives me a square ; asks me does I want ter sleep over night on a feather-bed. Does 1? “Course 1 does, Nex’ mornin’ her husban’ ‘rests me, tries me, fines me twenty dollars an’ costs an’ puts me in de cooler ter work it out. He wuz de local judge an’ got half de fine an’ most uy de costs.” METEMPSY CHOSIS— 1895. THE blonde-haired maiden Florence had not outgrown her tendency for making startling suggestions by elongating her skirts. Mr. J.’s frequent calls had resulted in an inculcation of the doctrine of metempsychosis — pre-existence —the transmi- gration of the soul. “Well,” said Florence, not entirely convinced, but with her simple directness going to the root of the matter and evading nothing, “ if there is such a thing as pre-existence / used to be a drunkard.” “ My dear child!” protested her horrified sister. “Yes, I was—I am sure I was,” insisted Florence; “for Iam always dreaming of snakes,” —Ha, ha, ba!” FROM KILLARNEY. TED IT “’WAY UP.” how you some furniture of the style of Louis fourteenth?” Show us some of at least Louis thirtieth.” comicbooks.com